SUBURBAN SENSHI EPISODE EIGHT: "LIVE AND LET DIE" EPISODE PREVIEW Oh, look! Michiru's doing some house cleaning! What? Those are precious keepsakes she's burning? What's this in Naru-chan's cellar? So that's what happened to--! Secrets, lies and deceptions! Today, on Suburban Senshi! NARU: You all shood kno dat dere ah sum spoilahs for Sailah Moon Classic and Sailah Moon S in dis fanfic. So don't read it if yous don't wanna kno dat kinda stuff. By Dr. Xadium (drxadium@DEATHTOSPAMgate.net) Naoko Takeuchi is hereby thanked for her involuntary contribution to this fanfic. Visit the Official Suburban Senshi homepage at http://dr_xadium.tripod.com/subsenshi TEASER Haruka sat hunched over her desk, her face eerily illuminated by the subtle glow of her computer's CRT. Her whole body was tense, anticipatory, like that of a cat waiting to pounce. "Download complete," the computer said in a dull monotone.* *This is an anime. All computers are required to drone out the minute details of their operation to whoever may be listening at all times. "Yes!" Haruka said to herself, straightening up as the tension was resolved. Quickly typing in a few commands, Haruka watched as the file she had just downloaded from the Internet installed itself. "CONGRATULATIONS." the computer screen read. "YOU ARE NOW ENTERING 'AMERICA'S ARMY'." "Excellent," Haruka muttered under her breath, rubbing her hands together. Her eyes lit up like a kid's at Christmas time. This was going to rock! A FEW HOURS LATER "Is this that new military combat simulation game you were so eager to play?" Hotaru asked, walking up behind Haruka. "Yeah," Haruka said sadly, cradling her head in her hands as she watched the computer screen idly. "It's from the American Military itself. A government sponsored First Person Shooter." "I thought Americans were against video games that promoted violence?" Hotaru asked confusedly. "What's so violent about the military?" Haruka asked soullessly as she stared at the screen. Hotaru noted her despondency and stepped aside so she could get a better look at the screen. "Odd," Hotaru said. "You said this was a combat simulation?" "Yup," Haruka nodded absently. "I'm one of America's super elite." She waved a hand in the air dismissively. "Then why are you sitting on a bench in a darkened cell playing the harmonica?" "It was going great," Haruka said, exhaling slowly. "I was a lethal killing machine. Those terrorist punks were getting cut down left, right, and center. I was a pagan goddess of WAR, I tell you. Then, I dunno, I must've accidentally clipped one of my slower teammates, and this punka** drill sargent gets all in my face. ME! The one who single handedly wiped out an entire terrorist cell. Man, he was just wouldn't shut up, yelling, and screaming, and trying to intimidate me. ME! As if that would actually do anything except--" "Ahh," Hotaru grasped the nature of the situation. "He aggravated you so you shot him." "Fragged him actually. Blew him up real good," Haruka said, a smile playing across her features. "But then they put me in JAIL! For killing a man!" "Unthinkable," Hotaru said dryly. "It's just a GAME!" Haruka yelled in frustration. "Stress relief! Someone ticks you off, you frag them! It's all in good fun! But NOOO, they had to go and get all REALISTIC on me. So what if my gun is accurately modeled and has physics-compliant recoil? I'm rotting in prison for having an independent mind while those 14 and 15 year old suckups are out saving the world from simulated terror!" "There, there," Hotaru said, putting a reassuring hand on Haruka's shoulder. "I'm sure some twelve-year-old disaffected hacker will release a patch which will allow you to blow the head off your superior officer with impunity." "You think?" Haruka asked, a note of weak hope in her small voice. She turned to look at Hotaru with desperate eyes. "You really think so?" "Surely," Hotaru said reassuringly. "The sanctity of video game violence can never permanently be violated. Now why don't you go back to playing 'Return to Castle Wolfenstein'?" "Yeah!" Haruka said with a gleam in her eye. She looked over at Hotaru and paused. "I see you're back in black." "Jedite and I," Hotaru said slowly, "are not going to play any of Michiru- momma's little control games any longer. The rebellion has begun. I personally have defaced the life-size replica of Francesco Podesti's rendition of the Immaculate Conception she painted on the livingroom ceiling, covering it with my own duplication of the Sigiri Frescoes." "You wild woman, you." Haruka said, thoroughly ignorant of what Hotaru was talking about. "Next I suppose you'll want to replace her violin strings with razor wire." "That's a non sequitor," Hotaru replied slowly. "Thank you!" Haruka said proudly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, it's Nazi- killin' time!" She grabbed her mouse and eagerly began blasting away soldiers of the Third Reich. ACT I: CLEANING HOUSE AFTERNOON Haruka lay asleep at her desk, her head propped on a soft pillow next to her computer monitor, drool leaking from the corner of her mouth. Reflexively, her left hand spasmed, pressing buttons on the gamepad that it held in an iron death grip. "SUPER HIGH SCORE!!" the computer wailed, shocking Haruka to conciousness. "Huh?" she asked dimly, the acrid smell of smoke and burning cotton assaulting her nostrils from somewhere downstairs. "Is Michiru trying to cook again?" Haruka mumbled slowly, fighting for mental clarity. *No, that can't be right, we have money now*, Haruka realized. Getting up from her position in front of her computer desk, Haruka stepped over piles of her discarded clothing, deftly avoided slipping on the glossy covers of various racing magazines, and paused to grab a drink from a half- evaporated can of lager that had been half-hidden in a mound of her old sports jackets. She quickly ducked sideways as the stack of comic books she had precariously perched on top of her freestanding clothes cupboard sloshed downwards at high speed, spraying the room with dangerously colorful sharp edged menace. Her room wasn't a mess; a now concious Haruka repeated to herself-- it was a neccessary survival training exercise; she needed it to keep in shape now that history was over and there were no more enemies to fight. Dimly she noted it seemed safer than usual. Putting that thought aside, she exited the room. "Are you trying to cook again, Hotaru?" Haruka yelled as she made her way down the stairs. Hotaru had been trying to develop some culinary skill via lessons with Jedite, in order to overcome the faulty teaching she had recieved from Tsukino Usagi. That could explain the smell. "AAUGGH!" Haruka yelled as she made it to the foot of the stairs, a vantage point from which she was able to see out the opened front door. "What are you DOING?!" Michiru was standing in the front yard, dropping Haruka's soiled mechanic's outfits and racing uniforms into a steel oil drum which also happened to be on fire. "Good afternoon, dear!" Michiru said brightly. "While you were passed out at your desk, I decided to take the liberty of going through your things and eliminating those damaged items of clothing that I know you were too sentimental to get rid of yourself." Haruka blanched. "Those outfits are from my RACING days! That's the one I wore when I took the ALL-JAPAN GRAND TOURING CAR CHAMPIONSHIP!" "Oh?" Michiru asked innocently as she dropped the racing jumpsuit into the fire. "And that one's from the '99 SUPER TAIKYU RACE!!" "Oh? But it was torn up and covered with oil, dirt and grime." "It was a BADGE OF HONOR!" Haruka ran over to Michiru, shoved her aside and pulled out the racing outfit from the flames. Holding it in her arms like a dying child, Haruka wept as the outfit disintegrated into fine ash. Haruka looked daggers at Michiru. "Never... not facing Daimons, Transdimensional Demons, Phages, Sailor Starlights or evil despotic Queens from the Lunar Realm, NEVER have I shed a tear. I never even cried when I mercilessly cut down our own FRIENDS. But today... today you have made me weep." Haruka wiped the ashes from her hands and advanced towards Michiru, who did not flinch. "It's not my fault you choose to wallow in filth!" Michiru snapped. "I do my best to keep the house clean, organized and efficient-- perfect for entertaining anyone from small children across the street to royal potentates from Burma. But YOU insist on making your den a cesspool of grease, grime and unwashed laundry! Every time I pass by your room I have to hold my nose down from the smell! When they were still here Luna and Artemis refused to let Diana play in your room because they feared she'd get LOST in there and DIE!" Haruka frowned. "That was the _old_ house, the one that blew up, remember?" "And that stinking pile of rubble was cleaner in every way than what you've got going on now!" Michiru fumed. "Why I wouldn't be surpised if Tokyo city dump trucks started coming to our front door to deposit their garbage out of CONFUSION, your room is such a dump!" "Everything is laid out where I can find it easily," Haruka snapped. "It's not set up for your aesthetic convenience. You don't have to go in there." "And I don't have to smell what comes out of it either!" Michiru angrily tossed some of Haruka's racing gloves into the fire. "Clean up your act before I hire a biohazard team to go in there and do it for you!" "No." Haruka said firmly. "NO?" Michiru demanded. "I'm the one who earned enough money to get this house rebuilt in the fine style you see it in today, and therefore I say what goes on around here! If I want to paint frescoes on the bathroom walls and install a platinum bidet, then that's what I'll do, and there isn't a thing you can do about it! I have ascended! It's my time in the sun now!" Michiru looked up at the sky, destiny filling her eyes. She laughed the laugh of the righteous. While she was busy staring at the sun, a cold presence moved forth and eclipsed it. Michiru looked down and saw Hotaru staring at her with a pleased expression on her face. "And what are you so happy about?" Michiru snapped. "Shouldn't you be agonizing over the imminent end of the Mayan calendar or something like that? Come on! Only a few months until that Planet Nibiru or whatever it is that that Stichen fellow you're always talking about is due to pass by and crush us all, post-apocalyptic girl! Shouldn't you be making a bomb shelter or something?" "Somehow I don't think a bomb shelter would do much good in the event of a _planetary_ cataclysm. Did you like my practice painting?" Hotaru asked coolly. "The what?" Obviously Michiru had not noticed the defacement of her fresco. "Nothing," Hotaru said calmly. "You were telling Haruka-poppa about how you were entitled to control everything due to your financing of this house?" "That's right!" Michiru said staunchly. "And you would do well to remember that, young lady. As long as you live under my roof, you'll follow my rules!" "Is that an axiom?" Hotaru asked darkly. "Most certainly." Michiru stared down Hotaru defiantly. She had the upper hand now, and Hotaru would finally learn to respect her elders. "Your mortgage is held by Mitsubishi-Tokyo Financial Group, is it not?" Michiru nodded slowly. Her intuition began acting up. "As you know," Hotaru said pedantically, "I was the one who got Setsuna- mama's account information from father. So I had direct access to *all* of her holdings. Can you guess where this is going?" Michiru nodded dumbly. She knew she should have paid cash for the house. "Where?" Haruka asked innocently. "The bank owns the mortgage, and I own the bank." "You--" Haruka looked at Hotaru in shock. "In trust for Setsuna-mama, of course," Hotaru said with a small smile. "But I doubt we'll be seeing her this side of the Time Gate for quite some time." Michiru looked at Hotaru numbly. "What do you want?" Hotaru chuckled slightly. "It's nice that you've finally begun to exhibit something akin to an independent persona. Kindly do it someplace else." "Are you kicking me out?!" Michiru asked staunchly. "Only for the afternoon," Hotaru said curtly, "while we undo the damage you've done in the name of 'cultural correctness.'" "Hmph!" Michiru said, raising her chin and turning away. "Well I don't need the likes of you! There are thousands of people all over this country who would like nothing more than to have the benefit of my talent!*" *No Mako-chan jokes, please! Michiru stalked over to the property line and leaned over the jet-black obsidian wall that separated her yeard from Nephlite's. "Naru-chan!" Michiru yelled. "NARU-CHAN!" After about ten minutes of bawling, Michiru was rewarded by Osaka Naru's presence. "Sowwy I didn't hears ya, before, Michiru-hun. I was bizy watchin' dah TV in dah back room. Didja heer about da Hikawa Shrine? Da cops are shuttin--" She paused as Michiru made a fac ewhich clearly indicated she was more interested in what she wanted to say than in Naru's news. "What ken I do for yah?" Michiru made sure Haruka and Hotaru were in earshot. "Remember that mural you so depserately wanted me to paint for you in your basement? I'm ready to do it now." "But I never--" Naru started. "--then you really should, dear," Michiru said laughing as loudly as she could to cover Naru's protestations, pulling her into the house. NEPHLITE'S HOUSE - BASEMENT "Well, if you insist," Naru said as she stood with Michiru in the dimly lit, moss and lichen-infested basement. "I nevah come down heah cuz it's so dank, smelly and messy. Maybe if you cleaned it out I could actally use it fer sumthin." Michiru looked at the omnipresent foulness and sighed. Still, if anyone could bring order to the chaos it was she. "Forgive me for saying so," Michiru said, doing her best to hold her nose, "but it smells like something died in here." "Probably a raccoon or sumthin'", Naru said. "Well," Michiru said, touching a brush to the far rear wall, trying to apply some cleaner to the moss-covered stone. "We should probably-" With a crack!, a piece of the wall crumbled away. "Must be dah humidity," Naru said. "Weakened the wall or somethin'." Michiru's intuition was telling her bad things... and her nose was telling her even worse things. "Whatever animal died did it back there," Michiru said, wrinkling her nose in disgust at the stench. "Ken you help me get it outta dere?" Naru asked, tapping at the wall with a hammer she had found on the fround. "Certainly." Michiru grabbed a tool and the two women began attacking the wall, breaking down chunk after chunk. As the odor increased in intensity, they were forced to go upstairs to get respirator masks. "You know," Michiru mused, walking the length of the house, "that wall is too far forward to be the proper end of your basement. The foundation should be at least ten feet longer, judging by the length of the house." "Maybe dere was an addition to da house or sumethin?" Naru speculated. "Or a subtraction from the basement," Michiru mused darkly. As they returned to the basement, Michiru stopped Naru on the staircase. "By now Nephlite must have told you everything about Haruka and myself, right?" Michiru asked. "Yah," Naru said. "But I gotta know. Are dah two of ya really dat way?" She raised her eyebrows provocatively. Michiru closed her eyes and held her tounge. "I mean," she eventually continued, "did he tell you about Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune?" "Oh!" Naru laughed a screeching Nanny-like laugh. "I figured dat stuff out a long time ago, ever since I figahed out Serenah was Sailor Moon." "Serena?" Michiru asked curiously. "My nickname for Usagi-chan. I wondah were she is, anywah? She hasn't been answerin' my calls lately." "Uhh," Michiru said, sweatdropping. "She went on a very long trip." "Oh, okay!" Naru said. "For a minute I thought you was gonna say she was zapped to dah future or somethin' like dat." Michiru shook her head. "Well, here goes." She took out her transformation pen. "NEPTUNE PLANET POWER! MAKE-UP!" Naru shielded her eyes from the momentary flash* *Double-entendre! as Michiru transformed into Sailor Neptune. "Wow..." Naru exhaled. She had never seen a transformation before. Nephlite never transformed. He just changed his clothes and got angry. "DEEP SUBMERGE!" Neptune yelled, hurling a ball of supercharged energy at the wall, smashing it to bits. When the rubble cleared, Naru screamed as she saw what the source of the smell had been. "Oh my GAWD!" she yelled. "You killed sumbuddy!" "No," Sailor Neptune said darkly, "whoever this was was already long dead." She walked over to the skeleton which had been stuffed behind the flase wall, its bones posed in a position of submissive fear, its still rotting flesh emitting a hideous odor. "Who could this be?" Neptune mused. "I tink I kno..." Naru said weakly, her knees giving out, the blood leaving her face as she started at the ground near the corpse. For there lay a cracked pair of Coke-bottle, swirly lensed, glasses. EYECATCH - Super-Deformed Haruka burning rubber, racing her yellow Ferrari out of the front driveway, leaving Super-deformed Hotaru, Jedite and Michiru covered in exhaust fumes and smoke. COMMERCIAL: Tired of having to think for yourself all day? Making decisions got you stressed out? Then try the new Zeta-X Cranial Implant Device from Reticu-tech! Shove one of these little bad boys up your nose, and you'll never have to worry about doing for yourself again! Our trained staff of Grey Alien Overlords (seen here currently orbiting earth in the Super Mega Mothership) will be more than happy to take full control of all your social and biological functions, doing away with the pesky human problems of embarassment, free will, and self determination! And best of all, the technology can be yours completely free! Just look for your friendly neighborhood UFO! And as a special bonus, if you ACT NOW, we'll even throw in a free proctological exam! Can you beat that? I don't think so! EYECATCH - A tow truck hauls Haruka's smashed Ferrari back to the house as super-deformed Haruka looks at the camera and shrugs. ACT II: REVELATIONS AND REVOLUTIONS KAIOH HOUSE - FRONT YARD - LATE NIGHT "He still isn't home yet," Naru said slowly, looking over at her house. "Well that's hardly surprising, considering that I blew up all his vehicles," Haruka said sheepishly. "Naww," Naru saud dismissively. "You never got his Volkswagen Thing. I wondah where he is, tho." "Are you sure you saw what you saw, Michi?" Haruka asked Michiru quietly. "Definitely," Michiru said with deadly seriousness, remembering what she had done right after examining the body Naru had identified as Umino Gurio, her old boyfriend. FLASHBACK - THAT AFTERNOON Neptune knelt in front of the body, pulling out her Aqua Mirror. Gazing into the depths of her Talisman, she meditated. "Please, Aqua Mirror, show me the last living moments of this body," she prayed. After a few moments, the image of a hand with a single extended digit swirled into view. "Is it supposed ta do dat?" Naru asked curiously. Neptune sweatdropped. "I suppose I haven't been treating the Aqua Mirror properly lately." Images formed on the surface of the mirror. Michiru hurling the Aqua Mirror into a Television Set. Michiru hurling the Aqua Mirror at Haruka, embedding it a wall. Michiru violently shaking the Aqua Mirror demanding answers about Hotaru. Neptune shoving the Aqua Mirror up Nephlite's-- "I'm really, really sorry," Michiru said, petting the mirror. "I wasn't myself. It won't happen again." One could almost hear the Aqua Mirror sigh in resignation.* *In the Manga, I'm pretty sure the Talismans do have personalities of their own. Images swirled and reforned. A busy street. SEVERAL YEARS AGO A blast of purple particles appeared in the middle of a darkened alleyway, coalescing into the form of Nephlite, still in the uniform of a Dark General. One of his arms had a nasty gash in the side, and his back was heavily scarred. Staggering slightly, Nephlite made his way out of the alley. "I wonder how many years have passed," he muttered. Teleporting himself into the temporal void had been a risky move, but it was about the only way he could be sure Beryl and the others would think he was dead. He hoped he had not come too far into the future. It would be tragic if he had survived only to find that Osaka Naru had died an old woman, alone and miserable because she had been forced to spend her whole life pining for her lost love. He started as somone bumpled into him. "Sorry," said a short, spiky haired young man in a typical Japanese schoolboy uniform. "Didn't see you there-- my glasses must be dirty." Nephlite paused. The energy of this one felt familar somehow. He watched as the boy pulled out a somewhat soiled piece of cloth from his pocket, wiping his glasses. Nephlite's eyes widened as he saw the green and red-stained yellow cloth. It was the same strip of fabric Naru had ripped from her dress to bandage his wound! He unconciously felt the side of his arm. "Where did you get that cloth, boy?" Nephlite asked darkly. The boy looked up at him. "This is a very special reminder. My girlfriend gave it to me a long time ago when I got hurt." "What a kind thing to do..." Nephlite said coldly. "I wish I had someone as considerate as that." "Naru-chan is the kindest person in the world," the boy said, a lump forming in his throat and a tear streaming from his beady little eyes. "I always carry this cloth with me for good luck." "Well it hasn't brought you luck today!" Nephlite snapped, filled with unreasoning anger. He grabbed the boy and lifted him into the air with one hand, dark energy beginning to surround the other. "Huh?" the boy asked, confused, as Nephlite dragged him into the alley. There was the bass-like sound of an energy release, followed by a high- pitched, unholy scream. Present-day Naru looked at this in unreasoning shock. The picture wavered. Nephlite sat a desk, typing a letter on his computer. "Dear Naru-chan," it began. "I have been probing deeply into secret truths on the Internet, and think I've found out the real reason for the government's suppression of UFO information. I am going to America to try and get inside a place called 'Area 51'. I'd take you with me, but it's far too dangerous. If I don't see you again, know that I have been silenced by the military. I will love you always. Love, Umino." Nephlite chuckled and hit "Print." Looking over at Umino, who was tied and gagged to chair, he laughed. "I really must thank you for the gift of your life energy. It's healed my wounds quite nicely. Now, you have one last task to perform." Nephlite leaned towards Umino menacingly, pulling down his gag. "Tell me where Osaka Naru is. Then I'll let you go..." Umino haltingly complied. "...TO THE NEXT DIMENSION!" There was a blast, a thump, and then silence. END FLASHBACK Haruka clenched her fists in anger. "That [BLEEP]ing b*****d." Naru began to cry, staring at her house, the holder of so many fond memories between her and Nephlite, and she staggered back in grief. "Pardon me!" said a voice as Naru backed into someone, crushing their feet under her own. "Huh?" Naru said, turning around, sniffling. "Sowwy, I didn't see ya dere." She squinted. "Actually, I still don't." Haruka absently shone a flashlight in Naru's direction, eerily illuminating Hotaru's pale face. Her violet eyes glowed slightly in the reflected light. "Gah!" Naru shrieked, jumping back awkwardly in fear. "Told you not to wear black outside at night, 'taru-chan," Haruka said chidingly. Hotaru fumed. "He's coming," Michiru said slowly, pointing to the end of the street. Presently, a beat-up old Volkswagen Thing came into view, rolling down the street. Naru began to run towards it, but she was outpaced by Michiru, who ran up to the side of the car as it pulled into Nephlite's driveway. "And what exactly do you want?" Nephlite asked arrogantly, not bothering to exit his car. "How reprehensible!" Michiru began, almost livid. "To think that I've been living next door, all this time, to a common garden variety criminal!" Nephlite looked at her askance. "To think," she continued indignantly, "a mighty General of the Dark Kingdom-- nothing more than a vengeful thug-- a lowly murderer!" Nephlite looked at her uncomprehendingly. "We knows wat you did, Neffy!" Naru yelled in a grief-stricken voice, holding out Umino's cracked glasses. Nephlite's eyes widened momentarily as he spotted the glasses. "I didn't kill anyone," he lied smoothly. "Yer lyin'!" Naru cried, pointing to Michiru. "I sawr it in hah mirrah! How could ya lye to me?! Eye hate you!" "Hypocrite!" Nephlite protested. "Hah?" Naru asked, confused. Nephlite concentrated, stretching out his hand and forming a holographic projection in a small ball. FLASHBACK, BISHOUJO SENSHI SAILOR MOON EPISODE 24 NARU: Nephlite-sama, thank you. NEPHLITE: No need to thank me. I don't know myself why I rescued you. Besides, I have been deceiving you all the time. I may continue to deceive you from now on too. NARU: I don't care. As long as you're with me, you can lie to me. END FLASHBACK Nephlite dispelled the hologram. "I only did it for our love, Naru-chan. Surely you can see that." Haruka nudged Michiru. "He's lying, right?" Michiru looked over at Haruka and shrugged. "I can't really tell... he really seemed to enjoy vaporizing that boy, but he seems to care for Naru as well." She looked up into the sky and quietly complained, "O! For the days of morally unambiguous villains!" Naru's anger melted away, tears streaming from her eyes. "Nephlite-sama," she cooed, dropping Umino's glasses to the ground and crushing them under her heel as she ran to her husband. "I'll always love you, no mattah wat you do, or who you kill." Hotaru shook her head. Visions of Susan Aktin and Charles Manson sprang to mind, unbidden. "Ahem," she said slowly. "Shouldn't we be doing something about this?" "Huh?" Haruka and Michiru looked at her askance. "Well, we *are* the last of the Sailor Senshi in this time period," Hotaru said slowly, "and he *did* kill a boy." "I'm not following," Haruka said slowly. Hotaru shook her head. "'For Love and Justice'?" she asked almost tiredly. "Does that ring a bell?" "But he killed for love," Michiru said slowly. "How can we prosecute him for that." "Yeah," Haruka said slowly. "Wouldn't you kill for the one you love?" Hotaru looked at them incredulously. "You're deliberately miscontextualizing the situation." They looked at her blankly. Hotaru could tell something was definitely off, but she knew not what. "Oh, for the love of Metallia!" Jedite said, "I've taken care of it." He closed his cellphone, which he had used to dial the police. Within minutes, the police had arrived, taking Nephlite in custody, against the wishes of a screaming and crying Naru. Watching the police drive off with Nephlite, Hotaru remarked dryly, "It is truly a sad day indeed when the moral center of this household can be found in a former member of the Dark Kingdom." "Huh?" Jedite asked confusedly. "I just snitched on him because I don't like him." Haruka gave Jedite a high-five. "Way to go, man," she said. "Wanna have a beer?" "Sure!" Jedite said enthusiastically, following Haruka into the house. "Don't track mud onto the carpet!" Michiru yelled, running in after them. Hotaru sighed, and looked up at the stars. If this was the best the Sailor Senshi had to offer the world, they were in deep, deep trouble. TWO DAYS LATER TOKYO DISTRICT COURT "I'm sorry," the Judge said harshly, yelling at the local prosecutor, "but evidence fron a *Magic Mirror* is not enough to convict a man! Despite the witness' high standing in the community, we need more solid forensic evidence! The idea that Sanjouin Masato, a highly influential and respected businessman, used some kind of *dark energy beam* to kill a young boy is hard to swallow at best. He hardly looks like a super powered being to me." Nephlite did his best to look helpless and innocuous. The prosecutor looked over at Sailor Neptune and shrugged. Sailor Neptune put away her Aqua mirror and discreetly looked towards Haruka, who was sitting in the audience area next to Hotaru and Jedite. "This is boring," Haruka said abruptly, yawning and stretching. "I want to go home. This is a waste of my time." Hotaru, taken aback, said, "I find it unconscionable that you would so lightly dismiss this matter!" Haruka looked up at her and did a slashing-hand-across-throat motion. Hotaru tilted her head and looked at Haruka askance. "Ixnay on the conscionableunay!" Haruka whispered. "We're just going through the motions for the cops. When we get home, we'll just transform and kick his [BLEEP] then!" "WHAT?!" Nephlite yelled from his seat near some uniformed policemen. His supersharp, Dark force enhanced hearing had caught every whispered word. "You punks can't touch me!" "Order in the court!" the Judge yelled. "I could take you out right now!" Haruka hissed almost inaudibly, "If I didn't want to waste my energy! You're nothing but a pretty-boy two-bit PUNK! That's why you had to fake your death and run from Beryl like a little [BLEEP]!" "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Nephlite yelled out loud. "I said ORDER IN THE COURT!" the Judge yelled. "I said you're nothing but a [BLEEP]ing punka[BLEEP] [BLEEP]!" Haruka hissed back. Hotaru was about to tell Haruka to calm down, when she noted a particular look in her eyes. Not a wild, out of control look like Haruka usually got when she was blindly acting without thinking. No, this was a cold, calculating, maleficent gaze... the same kind she used when calculating battle strategy. Cunning, cruel and devious. "She actually has a plan," Hotaru said to herself, quietly. It had been a long time. "RAH! SHUT UP!" Nephlite sprang to his feet, easily ripping apart his handcuffs and assuming an aggressive pose. "HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE COURT!" the Judge yelled. "Sit back down, IMMEDIATELY!" "Let's go," Haruka whispered arrogantly. Nephlite sprang forward as a bunch of guards jumped on top of him to try and restrain him. Filled with rage, Nephlite began indiscriminately blasting them aside with dark energy, stopping only when he realized what he had done. The Judge looked at the carnage and back at Sailor Neptune, who was still on the witness stand. She nodded sagely. "This court," the judge began, "finds ample support to back up the prosecution's contention that the defendant had the motive, means and opportunity to commit the murder of Umino Gurio. Defendant will be held without bail and bound over for criminal prosecution." "You'll never hold me!" Nephlite yelled, blasting a huge hole in the courtroom wall with one hand and grabbing Naru with the other. As he levitated up and through the hole, he looked over at Haruka with murderous intent in his eyes. "You'll pay for this, Ten'ou!" he yelled. "You'll pay dearly!" "Send me the bill," Haruka snapped confidently as Nephlite vanished amidst a hail of gunfire from the baliffs. "I'm actually impressed," Hotaru said to Haruka after the commotion had died down. "See," Haruka said, grinning. "I'm not all bad, am I? There are more ways to get a guy like Nephlite than by just blasting him with energy attacks or magic spells. Punks like that do themselves in." "But he's still on the loose out there," Hotaru reminded her. "Yeah, but now he's fair game. No court's gonna give him protection. He's a fugitive from the law now, officially. He can't hide behind his money. Which means," she said darkly, cracking her knuckles, "I'm free to take him out at the time and place of my choosing." "But why didn't you just stop him last night when he was in front of the house?" Hotaru asked, confused. "Michiru and I talked it over in the afternoon along with Jedite. Since he blasted Umino with a virtually undetectable kind of energy, there wasn't really anything physical tying him to the body. The police would therefore turn all their attention to Naru-chan--" "--because as far as the public knows, she was dating Umino first and then suddenly got married to a rich businessman named Sanjouin Masato." Hotaru nodded. "So," Jedite chimed in, "the motive would have fallen on her, the 'little poor girl who wanted to move on up in the world, but had one thing in her way-- her boyfriend Umino'. If we had blasted Nephlite into oblivion, she would have taken the fall--" Michiru walked over to them, concluding, "--and it would also be tough to explain where he, her husband, had gone off to, as well. It would have looked even more suspicious. If not prosecuted, she would have still had her reputation sullied for life." Hotaru nodded in deference to the logic. "But why didn't any of you bother to tell me about this?" Michiru chuckled. "Because only you are capable of making us look weak and inefficient by contrast." "You make a perfect straight man," Haruka joked. "The look on your face when I said I wanted to go home was priceless." "Yes," Jedite confirmed, "Your out of control righteous indignation put Nephlite right at ease." Hotaru chose to take that as a compliment and smiled slightly. As the family left the Tokyo District Court, Nephlite watched them from high atop an adjacent building. "You shall all suffer," he said darkly. A crazed look got in his eyes. "YOU CAN'T ESCAPE... MY WRATH!" FADE OUT PREVIEW OF NEXT EPISODE Haruka buys Hotaru a gift!? Has the world gone mad?! Why is there a demon in the house? Ooh, Jedite, that's GOTTA hurt! And what's *she* doing here? What's this about a mad alien conspiracy to take over the world? It's all "Child's Play," next week on Suburban Senshi! You better Get Ready!! ZINGER: "Please, Aqua Mirror, show me the last living moments of this body," Michiru prayed. After a few moments, the image of a hand with a single extended digit swirled into view.