SUBURBAN SENSHI: BUDOKAI EPISODE FOURTEEN: "PLANS AND PLOTS" EPISODE PREVIEW Only ONE day from the start of the Tenka-ichi Budokai, things have already started to heat up! Old enemies have reappeared, and cast members long forgotten are starting to make surprise cameos! Is an aura of evil descending yet again upon the Budokai? And I remember when it was all just about the fights! SHEESH!! JEDITE: If you still don't know who Pegasus is, you're not allowed to read this fanfic. And if you haven't seen all of Sailor Moon S... why are you reading a fic that predominantly features the Outer Senshi anyway? What the [BLEEP] is wrong with you...? Oh and by the way, I'm not the ONLY mineral named Sailor Moon baddie... did you know that NEPHELINE and EUDIALYTE are minerals just like JADEITE? That Professor Tomoe finds out the most INSANE things! By Dr. Xadium (drxadium@DEATHTOSPAMgate.net) Naoko Takeuchi is hereby thanked for her involuntary contribution to this fanfic. Read the Official Suburban Senshi episodes at http://dr-xadium.genvid.com/subsenshi Visit the NEW constantly updated Suburban Senshi Weblog at http://dr-xadium.genvid.com Suburban Senshi's Kaioh Michiru is co-winner of the 2002 Senshi'ichi Budokai! See the official site at http://users.erols.com/tdouglas/sib/index.html TEASER FADE IN LAST TIME ON SUBURBAN SENSHI: BUDOKAI Haruka chuckled, and flexed a muscle in her left arm. "Heh. Transformation Pen or no, I'm still tough enough to beat 99% of the competition here." She paused to rub her throbbing scalp. --- "Look! Isn't that Tienshinhan? He's a former tournament champion!" The others looked over at a tall, well built bald man in green and red monk's robes. He was busy conversing with a small boy who had a chalk-white complexion, and ruddy cheeks. As he was speaking, his eyes blinked a lot. All three of them. --- "Tell me SOMETHING," Tomoe interrrupted, drawing Bulma off to one side, "Do you still go around the WORLD looking for DRAGONBALLS?" Tomoe chuckled. "I was THINKING of hunting them DOWN myself." --- "FINE THEN!" Mutanex yelled. "This three dimensional human meat body is far stronger than my old one in certain ways. I suppose there is benefit to being a beast. I will use these human hands to crush the life out of you at this Tournament! And then you'll BEG to breed with me!" "But I'll be dead then," Haruka protested weakly. "That's NEVER STOPPED ME BEFORE!" Mutanex yelled, stalking off. --- A black floral border with yellow rotating Roses at the corners covered the screen for a moment. "So good to see you again," Prince Elios said, casually taking Hotaru's hand. Hotaru didn't have enough blood left in her arm, or will in her spirit, to pull it back. From the bushes, a pair of violet eyes narrowed in anger at the sight. Elios laughed darkly. "I'll crush your friends over there, just to see you squirm. Then I'll use you, abuse you, and lose you. Permanently." Hotaru tried her best to struggle. "Get... away... from me!" As she struggled, Elios began to laugh darkly. "Chao Tsu," Tenshinhan said firmly. Chao Tsu extended his short little arms and held out his hands, palms forward. Mentally, he concentrated, and telekinetic power began to flow. Elios froze in place. Tienshinhan stepped forward fearlessly. "Leave the young lady alone." Dios growled. "You're so cocky now, with your little psychic friend running interference. But you won't be so fortunate at the Tournament--" Elios paused, tapping into the power of his Golden Crystal, "--Tienshinhan." AND NOW, THE CONTINUATION ACT I: FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT... TO FIGHT S'MORE! TB -1 PAPAYA ISLAND HYATT HOTEL, ROOM 42-B "Well, today's the day," Jedite said a bit groggily, pulling on his jackboots as he sat on the edge of his bed, squinting as the rays of the early morning sun began filtering through the hotel room's white-curtained windows. "Today we find out if we can even make it into the Budokai." Haruka nodded. She was standing by the tiny sink in the rear of the hotel room, sipping some steaming hot coffee. "Yup, registration starts at 8 AM." Professor Tomoe, who was in the adjoining room, stuck his head through the connecting door. "THAT Early? LUCKY thing I BOUGHT my TOYS yesterday!" Hotaru could be heard asking, "Dare I ask why you've bought half a dozen dolls, Papa?" Instinctively, Tomoe, Jedite and Haruka all yelled "They're not DOLLS! They're ACTION figures!!" Their tone was desperate. "I fail to see the distinction," Hotaru replied dryly. Both she and her father walked into Haruka and Jedite's room. "Well," the Professor said, "Every Daimon needs a good host body..." He held up some of the "action figures". "What do you think?" he asked. "G.I. Joe, Action Man, He-Man, or My Little Pony?" He cackled madly, holding a Diamon seed next to a small pink plastic horse. "I think we have more than enough trouble with magical horses as it is," Hotaru remarked acidly. Her father shrugged and absently hurled the horse over his back and through the window. Haruka looked at the Daimon pod suspiciously. "This one's not gonna go around snatching pure hearts, is it?" Professor Tomoe cackled and shook his head. "Of COURSE not! This one's JUST been programmed to KILL." Haruka sweatdropped. Hotaru sighed. "Papa, Killing your opponent results in an automatic forfeit." Professor Tomoe looked at his daughter askance, the light glinting madly off his ultra shiny glasses. "REALLY? I just thought that was some kind of SICK joke." Jedite, who was fastening the front of his Dark Kingdom uniform, chimed in "So did I, but sadly, it's true." "CRAP!" Tomoe exclaimed. "I have to do some RE-programming! STAT!" Hotaru sighed. "Typical." Her father shot her an exasperated glance. "WHAT? I thought this tourney would be like MORTAL KOMBAT!" Jedite nodded. "Me too. Stupid peaceful competition." Haruka looked at the former Dark General quizzically. "What are you complaining about? I thought you'd embraced a life of peace." Jedite waved a gloved hand. "No, I just embraced a life of quasi-non-evil. I've become a *jaded*, cynical antihero." Hotaru groaned at the pun. "Antihero, HMM? They can still KILL people, right?" Tomoe asked as he injected some chemicals into his Daimon pod. Jedite nodded. "Yes. It's what gives them their angsty, brooding edge." Haruka sighed. "Brooding angst. Tell me about it. I miss those days." "I certainly don't," Hotaru said dryly. "But they were fun times!" Haruka inisted, looking up towards the heavens, her hand pumped in the air. "Good times! The frantic trips to Tokyo tower in the Ferrari, the hard struggle to find the Talismans--" "--the casual attitiude towards life, namely my own, the repeated attempts to "World Shaking" my bones into dust," Hotaru interjected. "Aww c'mon, 'Mistress Nine'," Jedite said laughingly, "You can't tell me you didn't like being evil... even for a little while..." Hotaru scowled. "I hear there's a nice _Ice_ Skating Rink on Papaya Island. Perhaps we should visit it." Jedite shuddered involuntarily, having flashbacks to his flash freezing at the hands of Queen Beryl. "Feh. I take it back. You're _still_ evil." "THAT'S Daddy's LITTLE girl!" Tomoe said gleefully, going towards the room door. "Well I'm GOING outside to MAKE my daimon NOW, so it'll be READY for registration." He grabbed the room's microwave. "Where are you going with that?" Jedite protested. "I haven't had breakfast yet!" "I just need a nice MONSTERBAKE oven! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!" Jedite sighed as the mad scientist left. "Well, Ten'ou, there are certainly some strange ones at the Tournament, don't you think?" Haruka nodded. "Yeah. That Alien superfreak wants to 'breed' with me." She shuddered. "And Elios has decided to come after me," Hotaru added. "Yeah," Haruka agreed. "That punk's got some kind of sick power... he'll be tough to deal with." Jedite shook his head. "It's not fair. All of you have nemesis problems, how come I don't?" "Because you're evil," Haruka said simply. "Well, the Elder Gods hate me," Jedite said almost deseprately. "and I hear the spawn of Cthulthu have it out for me." Hotaru shook her head. "Well I hardly think it's that serious of a grudge, considering that they haven't even bothered to hunt you down in over half a year for gutting their master like a fish and wearing his skin as a suit." "Hmph," Jedite said, crossing his arms. "Well, since you ladies seem to have some kind of problem with the Horse-boy, I guess I'll take him down for you. I need something to crush." Haruka frowned. "That assumes you get to face him in the Tournament. Someone else might take him down first." "So you're definitely not going to fight, Hotaru?" Jedite asked. "Considering that my only offensive attack would leave the world a lifeless cinder suspended in the black void of space, I think not." Hotaru smiled wryly. "'Silence Glaive Surprise' doesn't kill you," Haruka said slowly. "No weapons are allowed in the Budokai, remember?" Hotaru countered. "I have no attacks that don't rely on the Glaive. Yet." "Yet?" Haruka and Jedite chimed, looking at each other worriedly. "I intend to speak to some of the other martial artists on this island," Hotaru said slowly. "Perhaps one of them would be able to help me formulate a new attack that doesn't rely on the Glaive." "Well," Haruka said, "I'm in a bit of a bind myself. I can't transform without my pen, and without the powers of Uranus--" "The Powers of Ur-Anus..." Jedite interrupted, laughing with a snort. "How juvenile," Hotaru said exasperatedly. "Har, Har," Haruka replied. "So tell me, Hotaru-chan, how do you transform without a pen?" "Will to power," Hotaru replied matter-of-factly. "What does that me--?" Haruka asked, getting cut off by the beep of an alarm clock. "Seven-thirty," Jedite said firmly. "We've got to get moving if we want to make it to the Arena in time for registration." BUDOKAI ARENA Nestled in the shadow of the gigantic Budokai arena, (which was an open air stadium surrounding the ancient Budokai grounds), a lone monk in saffron colored robes, wearing a blue fez and old-style glasses, sat at a modest- looking desk, atop which a laptop computer was perched. "Welcome, Welcome," the Monk said to the growing throng of would-be competitors, their friends, fans and news reporters. "Would everyone who wants to sign up for the Budokai please step this way for registration." "Incredible," Hotaru said, quietly impressed. "There must be a thousand people here." "Actually, I've heard people say there may be as many as eight hundred competitors this year." Hotaru turned and caught a glimpse of Tienshinhan, accompanied by his friend Chao Tsu. "Tienshinhan-san," she said by way of greeting. "Thank you for your help yesterday." "It was no problem," Tienshinhan said. Dimly he noted that he was standing on the very spot where, decades ago, the mighty Master Roshi had told him it would one day be his destiny to live a life of goodness, as opposed to his then-evil ways. Of course, back then the Budokai had been relatively small affair, covered only by radio and newspaper reporters. There were none of the blimps, TV cameras or large stadium bleachers that now surrounded the arena. How times had changed. http://members.aol.com/_ht_a/trismaster/Images/ring1.jpg (before) http://members.aol.com/_ht_a/trismaster/Images/ring2.jpg (after) Haruka, accompanied by Jedite, walked up to the group. "Eight hundred? How are they going to go from eight hundred competitors to the eight who will take part in the actual Budokai? Elimination Rounds will take forever." Tienshinhan shrugged. "I hear they're going to weed out the first batch by punching machine. The top 100 scorers will go to the elimination rounds." Jedite smirked. "Pathetic." "Hey!" Haruka said, pointing into the crowd. "It's Souichi and-- " "You must be joking," Hotaru said tiredly as she saw the Daimon that her father had created via the fusion of one of his "action figures" with a Daimon pod. "I'd like you ALL to meet my new DAIMON--" Tomoe said, pointing to the massively overmuscled, perpetually grinning man in a purple hooded bodysuit. "--SKELETOR!" The daimon yelled arrograntly.* * http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/tribute/ (do not click while eating) "Good to meet you, uhh, Skeletor," Tienshinhan said, offering his hand. "SKELETOR!" the Daimon crowed, shaking his hand. "Doesn't say much, does he?" Tienshinhan asked, his three eyes blinking in confusion. "Trust me," Jedite said. "For a Daimon, that's practically high oratory." From the shadows, a tall man observed Daimon Skeletor with bemusement. ELSEWHERE Several monks in saffron robes stood hunched over a trail of collapsed bodies. The potential competitors, all strong and well built, were unconcious on the ground, their skins an unhealthy shade of grey. EVEN MORE ELSEWHERE "You just don't feel like competing," Elios said slowly, a black border with rapidly spinning yellow roses covering the screen, his perfection field in full effect. "In fact, you'd rather come back to the stables / with the guy who's most able / you wanna take a ride / on the wild side / with me / The Big Prince E.D." "Yes," said Ranfan, a female competitor. Woozy, she lurched forward and clung to Elios for support. The white haired Svengali smirked and led her away from the tournament grounds towards his new harem. STILL YET EVERMORE ELSEWHERE "Look! Michael Jackson is beating up that guy!" a random generic passerby said. "Take that!" Mutanex, who was wearing a surgical mask to cover his face, yelled, clumsily swinging his arms around, barely managing to land any blows against some scrawny looking would-be fighters. "C'mon!" Mutanex yelled, punching and kicking as hard as he could. Unused to the human form, he was losing. Desperately, he grabbed one of the fighters and held her in a headlock. He decided to use a trick he could only do once. "Your mind to my mind," Mutanex said, pressing a hand against his opponent's forehead, drawing all the data from her brain. "WOOH!" Mutanex suddenly screeched in a high pitched voice, doing a rapid pelvic thrust and sticking out his hand in a tight dance move. Spinning around, he rapidly did away with the rest of the fighters with some funky 80's Kung-Fu Dance power, pausing to strut and moonwalk away from the scene of the crime. "I'm BAD!" he said in a girly voice, as he made his escape. TOURNAMENT DIRECTOR'S OFFICE Mr. Satan stood proudly before the Tournament Director, an aging monk. Satan was in rare form. His brown gi was immaculately pressed, spread open just enough to afford an intimidating look at his hairy, muscled chest. His white pants and cape were spotless, and his boots were laced tightly, as was befitting a champion. Rubbing a thick muscled hand over his two-day old stubble, and stroking his long mustache in a sign of deep thought, Mr. Satan looked at the director and said in his trademark booming voice, "So, how many people have come to challenge me for my title this year?" He looked down at the shiny championship which encircled his waist, the golden bat symbol on its front glistening. The Title was his life. "Well, Mr. Satan," the director began, "there is a problem..." "Problem?" Satan asked imperiously. "Well, Champion, you see," the monk began timidly, "You see, a lot of the people who have arrived to fight you are collapsing mysteriously. They are being taken to the hospital..." "HA HA HA HA!" Satan laughed. "It's nothing to worry about!" "Really?" The monk asked curiously. "Of course not!" Satan boomed. "They must have come here seeking fame and fortune, hoping to defeat the Mighty Mr. Satan, but once they realized what they were *really* in for they must have decided to run and hide!" "You think they're faking it?" the Monk asked, in awe of Mr. Satan's fearsome deductive skillz. "Absolutely!" Satan replied. "But I really can't blame them. Why, if I knew I'd have to fight someone like me, I'd run and hide as well!"* * Not that he has EVER done THAT before... heheheh Satan raised his hands into the air and flashed the "victory" sign. "HOOOOOOOOO!" he bellowed. "Mistah Satan," the monk said in awe. EYECATCH - Super-Deformed Michiru is playing her violin in front of a bored crowd. Super Deformed Jedite fires a thin ki blast which cuts the strings on the violin. COMMERCIAL: In Honor of the Tenka-Ichi Budokai we are now selling all kinds of Mr. Satan Merchandise! Be the first on your block to receive the OFFICIAL Mr. Satan Chess set, or the Satan Super Hyper Power Desk! You wouldn't want to be seen in public without your Mr. Satan handwarmers or decorative shoelaces, would you? And what executive could live without the Mr. Satan voice activated tape recorder / Desk Stapler!?! For the truant kids we've got the "Mr. Satan morals and manners handbook", and for the terminally depressed there is "Mr. Satan's Chicken Soup for the Soul." For those who are just hungry we even have "Mr. Satan's Chicken Soup"!! Every order placed today gets a FREE autographed 8x10 gloosy of Mr. Satan, and, as a SPECIAL bonus, a CELL of Mr. Satan's own NOSTRIL hair! That's right, you wanna-be genetic splicers! Now YOU too can have your own Mr. Satan!* *May take 37 years for clone to resemble the current Mr. Satan So ORDER NOW! 1-666-FOR-SATAN! Operators are standing by! EYECATCH - Superdeformed Jedite sits on stage drenched with water, a broken violin shattered over his head. Superdeformed Michiru stands off to one side rubbing her hands together and nodding with satisfaction. ACT II: EIGHT TO VICTORY A FEW MINUTES LATER, OUTSIDE THE ARENA Professor Tomoe and Hotaru stood outside the Budokai arena, which was now largely devoid of crowds, since all the fighters had gone inside for the private elimination rounds. "It's a PITY we aren't ALLOWED to see the ELIMINATION rounds," Tomoe said, absently licking an ice cream cone. "True," Hotaru said, looking up at the sun for a moment. "I suppose they don't want to give away the spectacular fights too early on." "I really WANTED to see my DAIMON fight too." Tomoe sounded semi-depressed. "Well," Hotaru said gamely, "As there's not much to do until the eliminations are over, perhaps we could tour the island." "I WOULD," Tomoe said absently, "but I have a DATE." "A date?!" Hotaru nearly facefaulted. "Not REALLY," Tomoe said, correcting himself. "I just agreed to meet BULMA- chan. She's going to help me HUNT for the DRAGONBALLS." Hotaru frowned. There were those mysterious Dragonballs again. "Ne, papa, what exactly ARE Dragonballs, anyway?" Tomoe smirked and bit off a large chunk of his ice cream cone. "That's NEED to KNOW, dear." "You're not going to tell me, are you?" Hotaru asked flatly. "It'll be a NICE Surprise... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Hotaru sighed. ELIMINATION AREA In a large wooden building to the rear of the combat area, a small group of fighters stood, looking insignificant next to the eight massive square elimination rings within. A large board with eight sets of tournament brackets set up the structure for the eliminations. The tournament administrator, fresh from his talk with Mr. Satan, stood behind a small podium and picked up a wireless microphone. He coughed. "On behalf of the management and staff of the 33rd Tenka-ichi Budokai, I would like to welcome all of you to the Elimination Rounds. This year we have had 953 entrants." Haruka looked around in confusion. Besides herself, Jedite, Elios, Daimon Skeletor, Mutanex, Elios, Tienshinhan and Chao Tsu, there only seemed to be forty or so competitors... an odd mix of freaks, musclemen and superhero wannabes. She didn't see any of the tournament legends, like Son Goku or Ma Junior... but they could be elsewhere in the crowd. "Sure doesn't look like 953 people to me," she muttered under her breath. "Strangely," the Monk continued, "the vast majority of them have dropped out of the tournament because of various health-related issues. And many of the female competitors have vanished." "Maybe they're boy cotting," Elios said suavely, causing Haruka to shoot him a suspicious glance. "Ahem," the Monk continued. "Only the 48 of you remain." "Mr. Satan must have spiked the Kool-Aid to keep the contenders away from the throne," Jedite said to Haruka quietly. "It's just like something he would do." Incensed at the aspersions cast upon her hero, Haruka snapped, "No, Jedite, thats something *you* would do." "True," Jedite said matter-of-factly. "So," the Monk continued, "we will dispense with the punching machines and go straight to the elimination rounds. Your slots in the elimination matchups have been assigned randomly. Please refer to the brackets on the charts in front of you and report to one of the eight rings that matches your number." Haruka looked at her number and noted her competition block. "So what block are you in, Jedite?" she asked. "Block 2. Yourself?" "One." "Good," Jedite said, rubbing his gloved hand together. "You won't have the ill fortune of being decimated by me too early on. Be sure to win that I might CRUSH you in the Tournament." "You wish," Haruka said with a smirk. "SKELETOR!" yelled Daimon Skeletor. "Yeah, good luck to you too, buddy," Jedite said. "You know what he's saying?" Haruka asked with surprise. "Not really," Jedite said, staring at the skinless, fleshless face of the plastic Daimon. "So what block are you in, Daimon?" "SKELETOR!" Jedite sighed. "Man, these Daimons. At least in the Dark Kingdom our Youma could use complete sentences." Haruka pointed to a freaky red creature with axe-bladed hands in the background. "Hey, isn't that one of them over there?" Jedite took a look. "Nahh, that's not a real Youma. The animators are reusing character models for the bit players again." "Cheap-[BLEEP] animators," Haruka said with disgust. "Next thing you know they'll just print the scripts on the web and make people use their *imagination* to figure out what stuff looks like." "Yeah, really." Jedite gave Haruka a thumbs-up. "Well, it's time for your fight. Hope you can win one without the power of 'Urine-us'." Haruka chuckled. "No problem." She climbed up onto the raised square platform to await her first challenger. Oddly, her heart was pounding, and she was a little nervous. Sounds seemed muted and distant. She had been in fights before, but this was a whole nother level. These guys would be pros. Could she prevail without transforming? Haruka was slightly sweating as the Referee began to recite the rules. Even though her perfection field was working since she was in public, she wasn't feeling terribly confident. Thus there was no watercolor FX or Sakura petal shower. She snapped out of her nervous daze as she realized she had missed some of what the referee had said. "--like those of the main Budokai. All moves are permitted, including special moves. The fight will continue until one fighter is either knocked out of the ring, sent down for a 10 count or surrenders. Killing your opponent or using foreign objects will result in an automatic forfeit." Haruka nodded numbly, and took her eyes off the ref, looking past him for the first time to see her opponent. Her eyes widened as she saw who it was. "Heah me noh, seeh me latah, baybee," said an overly-muscled barbarian-like man wearing sunglasses and a biker's outfit. Haruka noted that the guy's arms were thicker than her whole body and looked up in exasperation. "You have got to be kidding me," she muttered. ELIMINATION ROUND BLOCK 1a: TEN'OU HARUKA vs. ARNIE GRAVEAHDIGGAH "Get him, Ten'ou!" Jedite yelled. "Go!" the referee yelled. "Easier said than done!" Haruka exclaimed, quickly running to one side of the ring as Arnie lumbered forward and swiped with one of his massive gloved hands. "Come back heah!" Arnie yelled in a deep Bavarian voice as he slowly turned to face Haruka. Haruka darted quickly, running to the opposite end of the ring and jumping forwards as Arnie lunged towards her previous position. His outstretched fist smashed into the surface of the ring, exploding the tile in a POP of concrete shards and dust clouds. As she sailed over his back, Haruka began thinking rapidly. "This guy's strong, but he's much slower than me." She pivoted in midair and lashed out with her powerful legs, slamming Arnie in the square of his back. As the large man stumbled forwards, off balance, Haruka pushed off from his back and landed smartly behind him. Arnie was now precariously close to the edge of the ring. "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Haruka yelled, running forwards, leaning her body sideways, bringing up her right elbow. Her plan was to ram into him, and use their combined momentum to push him out of the ring. This plan halted suddenly when Arnie turned and grabbed Haruka in a massive bear hug. He smiled a toothy barbarian grin as he lifted her off her feet and squeezed. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Haruka screamed, swearing that she heard her bones popping. Outside the ring, Jedite looked up at the scene and winced. "Gif Up!" Arnie bellowed. "Chu haf no Shance!" He smiled and continued to squeeze harder. Haruka squirmed, turning and twisting. He was crushing her arms like a giant vise grip. She needed a way out of the hold. Her legs were still free. Haruka brought them up as close to her body as she could and planted her feet against Arnie's massive chest. She began to push hard. It was now a battle of opposing pressures-- Haruka's legs or Arnie's arms. For an infinite moment their powers were perfectly balanced. Anything could tip the balance. "He can't keep it up!" Jedite exclaimed, as he watched Arnie begin to sweat profusely. "Push harder!" Arnie tried to close the distance and crush Haruka's legs, but he couldn't resist their strength. He was forced to break the hold. Falling backwards, Haruka used her arms to steady herself. She knew that in terms of brute strength, Arnie was clearly her better. She needed to tire the behemoth down. "Catch me if you can!" she yelled, running circles around Arnie. "Joo are making meh dizzie," Arnie said, stumbling around, trying to lay his hands on Haruka. Haruka seemed to slip, skidding towards the edge of the ring. "Now I haf joo," Arnie said with relish, lumbering forward as fast as he could. "Chance!" Haruka said to herself, quickly bringing up her legs, pressing them against Arnie's chest and pushing upwards with all her might. At the same time, she used her arms to push up her upper body. With an aikido-like roll, she pushed Arnie up into the air and forwards, straight out of the ring. One second later, she fell out as well, carried by her own momentum. "Who hit the ground first?" Haruka asked Jedite, panting heavily. She got her answer when the referee held up her hand in victory. ELIMINATION ROUND BLOCK 1b: MUTANEX vs. CHAO TSU Chao Tsu stood impassively at one end of the ring, his short chubby frame a stark contrast to the tall, androgynous form of Mutanex, who had taken to sporting sunglasses and a surgical mask. "Careful, Chao Tsu," Tienshinhan said from outside the raised ring. "I sense some kind of power in him. But you shouldn't have a problem. You've trained long and hard." "Don't worry, Tien," Chao Tsu said. "I'm ready." "So, little boy," Mutanex said in a high-pitched childlike voice. "You're my opponent. WOOOOO!" He spun and did an impromptu dance move. Half the other fighters spontaneously applauded. " I wouldn't wanna be where you are! You better beat it!" "You can take him, Chao Tsu!" Tienshinhan yelled encourangingly. "I'm a lot stronger than you might think!" Chao Tsu said to Mutanex. "Begin!" the Referree said. "Shoo-Be-Doo-Be-Doo-Da-Day!" Mutanex exclaimed, lifting up his sequin- covered gloved hand to his face, removing his surgical mask and revealing his face.* * http://anomalies-unlimited.com/OddPics/Images/MJ/1113%202002.jpg NOT if you are eating or half-asleep or accompanied by small children who are easily traumatized. Or have heart condition. Chao Tsu screamed an unholy scream of soul-rending mortal terror as he laid his child-like, naive eyes on the hideous deformity of the alien's Michael Jackson like face. It was so blood-curdling that all the other fights in the arena instantly stopped. Ecveryone turned to see what was going on in ring 1b. "Get it AWAY from ME!" Chao Tsu screamed as Mutanex smiled and advanced towards him. The boy was riveted to the spot in fear, his telekinetic powers useless to him in this state of total panic. "Heeh!" Mutanex squealed in androgynous glee. Chao Tsu was so transfixed by fear that he barely felt it when the alien casually pushed him out of the ring with one finger. "Chao Tsu has left the ring!" the Referee yelled, "Mutanex wins!" He held up the alien's hand, doing his best to avoid gazing at his freakshow face. "That's dirty pool!" Haruka protested to the judge, as she helped Chao Tsu up from his shivering fetal position. "No rule against being obscenely hideous," the Referee said with a shrug. ELIMINATION ROUND BLOCK 2a: PRINCE ELIOS DIOS vs. BULK SLOGAN Prince Elios Dios stood confidently in the ring, arms crossed. Dressed in his white princely attire, the calm and composed boy was a stark contrast to the blonde-haired, bulked up, sweating Pro Wrestler standing opposite him.* *Parody of http://www.ecst.csuchico.edu/~markro/images/hulk2.jpg, the greatest wrestler of all time. Heh. Wearing a yellow-red bandanna that read "Bulkamania", and a sleeveless shirt emblazoned with the slogan "Bulk Rules", the wrestler was a colorful counterpoint to the quiet, regal-looking prince. Wild-eyed and fancy-free, Bulk ripped off his shirt with his bare hands, revealing his massive pectoral muscles. He began to pose. "Wasteful Braggart," Elios said curtly. "Go!" the Referee commanded. Bulk laughed and grabbed a microphone. "Tell me, brutha! Whatchya gonna do, when Bulkamania goes rabid on YOU!" "So uncouth," Elios said dismissively, half bowing. The pyramid-shaped protrusion of the Golden Crystal in the center of his head glinted under the harsh flourescent light of the arena. Suddenly, a blast of raw energy lashed out from the golden Crystal and slammed into Bulk Slogan, electrocuting him. Bulk dropped to the ground, steam rising from his charred body. Elios turned and began to walk away. But behind him, Bulk rose again. Eyes wide, Bulk began to shake his arms, fists clenched, his body shaking wildly. "That power..." Elios said, fear creeping into his voice as he felt the rise in Bulk's 'ki' energy. Turning, he saw Bulk shuddering, the muscles in his shoulders and chest bulging out. "RAAAAAAAH!" Elios ran towards Bulk and began punching him rapidly in the chest. But the massive blows seemingly had no impact. Waving his finger in Elio's face in a "no" gesture, Bulk's looked at him with fierce intensity, shaking his head. With one punch, Bulk slammed Elios high into the air. The prince's trajectory was straight out of the ring... and towards defeat. Concentrating, the Prince focused the power of the Golden Crystal and used it to warp the air around him, making it more viscous. His flight slowing, Elios then pushed against the soldifying airmass and landed back in the ring, panting from the effort. To his credit, Bulk Slogan remained focused on the fight despite the display of supernatural ability on the part of his opponent. Elios, down on one knee, kept the flat of his hand pressed against the ring. Concentrating on the Golden Crystal, he channeled energy into the ground. Bulk did not notice as the part of the ring under his feet began to rise up, the concrete slab liquifying and re-solidifying around his ankles. Some other bits lashed upwards and grabbed the Wrester's arms, making it impossible for him to move. "Wha-- What's going on?" Brogan asked in a semi-panic. "What kind of powers does that boy have?" Tienshinhan asked Haruka, a note of worry in his voice. The two were watching the match while waiting for their next rounds. "See that thing in his head?" Haruka said, pointing to the Golden "horn" on the boy's head. "That's the Golden Crystal. It supposedly is connected to the Earth in some fundamental way. Elios there used to be a priest charged with protecting the Crystal. But he's gone over to the dark side and now he's bent it to his will." "Weapons are illegal in these matches," Tienshinhan protested. "It's become a part of him," Haruka explained. "So I guess it's legal." The Referee tried to determine what was going on, but seeing no overt connection between the incident and Elios, he was forced to let the match continue. Elios stood upright, dusting off his uniform and walking up to Slogan. Waving his hand in Bogan's face in a mockery of the fighter's earlier gesture, the Prince smiled tautly. Concentrating, he altered the density of his hands and began to punch Slogan in the head, the blows coming fast and furious. With each punch, he looked over at Tienshinhan and smiled. When he saw Brogan lose conciousness, he released his mental grip on the ring, which returned to normal. Slogan's senseless form hit the ground and lay still. "..8...9...10!" the referee counted, holding up Elios' hand. "Prince Elios Dios wins by knockout!" Dios smirked and pointed a finger squarely at Tienshinhan, whose three eyes narrowed. ELIMINATION ROUND BLOCK 2b: JEDITE vs. "JUICE" LEE "Go!" the Referee commanded. Jedite stared at his opponent, a sunglass-wearing Chinese martial artist with a bleached goatee and obscenely large arms containing grapefruit sized muscles.* *Cross Bruce Lee with http://www.webontario.com/fighting/scottsteiner/scottsteiner2.jpg "I'M 'BIG POPPA' JUICE!" the man screamed. "I'M YOUR HOOKUP! HOLLER IF YOU HEAR ME!" "IT would be impossible *not to*, the way you're yelling," Jedite said, sticking a gloved finger in his ear. "I HAVE THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD!" Lee yelled. "BUT FOCUS NOT ON THE ARMS, LEST YOU MISS ALL THE HEAVENLY GLORY!" "Oh, shut up," Jedite said tiredly, unleashing a bolt of dark ki that slammed Lee straight out of the ring and through the back wall of the building and clear outside the tournament grounds. "Jedite-san is the winner!" Jedite frowned. "I am to be known from this point on as 'General Jedite'" he told the referee crossly. "General Jedite is the winner!" The Referee said, correcting himself. "General?" Haruka asked Jedite. "It sounds more imposing," Jedite said. "And I *was* a General. Well, technically I was actually one of the 'four kings' of the Dark Kingdom. But I thought 'King' Jedite was a bit premature." "King?" Haruka asked curiously. "But if Beryl was the Queen, then that means--" "I don't like to think about it," Jedite said with a shudder. "Zoisite and Kunzite weren't always a unit you know..." "You mean being Beryl's--" Haruka began, eyes wide. "It made them--" "That would [BLEEP] anybody up beyond recognition." Jedite replied. "They started on Youma before they got the sense to at least stick to their own speci--"* *Dude! This is one seriously [BLEEP]ed up converation right here. "You seem okay," Haruka said, "well, as okay as a maleveolent being of dark power can be, anyway." "Hello!" Jedite said irately. "I fear ICE cubes thanks to that [BLEEP]! [BLEEP]ing ICE CUBES!" Haruka nodded. "Point taken." OUTSIDE "Look at that GUY fly!" Professor Tomoe said happily, ingesting a hot dog. "Jedite's handiwork," Hotaru said, fairly confident in her analysis. "Reminds me of the days when you were in the tournament, eh, Son-kun?" Bulma asked her friend Goku, who was ravenously wolfing down anything in sight.* *http://100megsfree4.com/abcsofdbz/goku.html "Yeah!" Goku said between bites, "but ever since they banned me and Vegita from competing, I haven't thought about it so much." "That's only because everyone else was terrified of having to compete against you guys, Son-kun," Bulma said. "No one wanted to participate in the Tournament anymore. Besides, you couldn't win anyway, considering that you always have to surrender to Mr. Satan." Goku nodded. "I KNEW the Budokai was fixed!" Hotaru said triumphantly. "We don't *have* to surrender for him," Goku said quickly, so he could work in another mouthful of mochi, "but everyone is always happy when Mr. Satan wins. He's their hero. People need heroes." Hotaru nodded. Suddenly she understood what it was all about. It wasn't about money, or prestige, but giving people something to believe in. A worried look came over her face. "But this year I know there are people in the tournament who won't care about any of that." Goku looked at her curiously for a moment, and began to choke. He pounded himself on the chest for a moment to let the food go down. "Heeh!" he screeched happily. "Well Mr. Satan is clever, I'm sure he'll figure something out!" Hotaru tried to picture Mr. Satan "negotiating" with Jedite and could only end up with images of the boisterous champion lying in a smoking pile on the floor. "So THEY are putting up STATUES of YOU and other GREAT fighters after the TOURNAMENT?" Tomoe asked Goku. "Yup!" Goku said. "Well it's only fair," Bulma said. "Son-kun has been a big part of the tournaments over the years." "GOKU," Tomoe said mischievously. "BULMA tells me you have a SPECIAL technique that lets you TRAVEL from one place to ANOTHER instantly." Goku nodded, shoving a full three layer cake into his mouth and swallowing. "Shunkan Idou," he said slowly, "Instantaneous Movement". "I couldn't help but NOTICE your fondness for FOOD," Tomoe said. I have HERE," he whipped out an impossibly large cache of foodtuffs, "One TENTH of the total FOOD I am willing to offer you in exchange for a little HELP in finding the DRAGONBALLS." Goku stared at the food like a deer trapped in headlights. He swallowed hard. "You're not trying to find them for anything EVIL right?" he asked. "Son-kun!" Bulma said angrily. "Souichi-san would NEVER do anything evil, right?" Tomoe grinned demonically and shook his head. Hotaru hung her head. "DEAL!" Goku said, shaking Tomoe's hand. "Shall we BEGIN?" Tomoe asked with a mad cackle. "As soon as I'm done eating," Goku said, starting in on his fifteenth course. "I wonder how the elimination rounds are going," Bulma mused. "With all that he eats," Hotaru said, weakly watching Goku ingest, "I wonder how _his_ elimination rounds go." ELIMINATION ROUND BLOCK 3a "Isn't it illegal to use molecular acid in a match!?" Jedite yelled. "It'a a natural part of her body!" The referee yelled, as he tried to steer clear of the steaming green acid Xenamorphus has just spat at Skeletor. "But it got all over his face!" Haruka yelled. "It'll melt his face of--" Haruka paused as she realized who she was talking about. "Nevermind." "Don't you feel pain!?" Xenamorphus cried out in shock. "SKELETOR!" Daimon Skeletor yelled, using his overly muscled powers to easily lift up the insect-like Xenamorphus and drop her back-first onto his knee. Then he tossed her onto the ring's surface and stepped on her carapace. Eventually the bug squealed for mercy, it's six arms tapping the ground. "Xenamorphus submits!" the Judge yelled. "Daimon Skeletor wins!" From the shadows, a shadowy man watched the match and smiled darkly. (Well of course he smiled "darkly", he's in the shadows.) "That guy's pretty strong," Haruka said. "For a daimon made out of plastic." "That Tomoe and his supernaturally posssessed freaks," Jedite muttered. "Looks like this tournament won't be so easy after all." ' dead scream ' As Jedite and Haruka heard a familiar low-key attack phrase, they turned just in time to see a rasta-haired alien freak by the name of Predataurus go sailing out of the ring, his body awash in purple-pink flames. "Sailor Pluto WINS!" the Referee announced. "Sailor... Pluto?" Haruka asked in shock. Tournament Not So Easy Indeed! "How'd she pull off a 'Dead Scream' without her Big Ass Key?" Jedite asked in shock. "Greetings," Sailor Pluto said cordially. As Jedite and Haruka digested the fact of her appearance, they noted several monks running frantically, carting off another fighter on a stretcher. He was wearing black body armor and a completely implausible helmet. "Wasn't that Garth Radiator?" Jedite asked in almost a panic. "Who could do THAT to Dark Lord of the Spit?" "Small... Lady?" Pluto asked in shock as a very determined looking Chibiusa hopped off her ring and stalked past the group, seemingly unaware of their presence. "Not even transformed!?" Jedite asked, starting to get light headed. "What the HELL is going on?!" Everyone was in such shock that they didn't even notice as Tienshinhan sent his opponent, a green-blooded, pointy haired alien out of the arena through the roof.* * http://www.npac.syr.edu/Education/K-12/assets/images/spock.jpg "How's THAT for logical!?" Tienshinhan yelled. -- After a long day of incredible fighting, the field of 48 has been narrowed down to the eight mighty warriors who will go on to compete in the 32nd Tenka-ichi Budokai: Chibiusa(?!?!) Tienshinhan Mutanex Sailor Pluto Daimon Skeletor Prince Elios Dios Ten'ou Haruka General Jedite Out of these eight, one will rise to earn the right to face the champion of the world, the mighty Mr. Satan! But who will it be? TO BE CONTINUED FADE OUT PREVIEW OF NEXT EPISODE: The eight fighters have been decided! Now their slots in the tournament must be determined! Will things go smoothly, or will events spiral out of hand? Find out nezt time on Suburban Senshi: Budokai - "Luck of the Draw"! Not even the AUTHOR knew how the brackets would go! You Better Get Ready! ZINGER: "With all that he eats," Hotaru said, weakly watching Goku ingest, "I wonder how _his_ elimination rounds go."