2239. Haruka Ten'ou is Marked for Death! (No she just saw a crappy 90's movie)12/14/21
2238. Suburban Senshi Thanksgiving Special in December! MST of The Humanoid!!12/11/21
2237. [SPAM MiST] Haruka's desperation! Searching Emails for the secret to Better Loving!!11/08/21
2236. Oh no! Someone told Aino Minako about the Squid Games!!10/18/21
2235. Hit 'em with your best shot10/15/21
2234. A Star Treks into musings of mortality10/14/21
2233. [Motoki Rescue Arc - END] What did history record!? The low effort resolution!!10/03/21
2232. [Motoki Rescue Arc] Michiru makes her move! It's a Monstrous Magia Maiden!10/02/21
2231. [Motoki Rescue Arc] Holy id, Batman! The Darkest Timeline approaches!!09/29/21
2230. [Motoki Rescue Arc] A new Challenger Appears?! Wait, that's--!09/19/21
2229. [Motoki Rescue Arc] What evil lurks in the mind of Mo'09/08/21
2228. [Motoki Rescue Arc] Breaking Through! From one crazed mind to another!!08/24/21
2227. [Motoki Rescue Arc] Into the Mind of Motoki! The only taste is Salt!!08/02/21
2226. [MOTOKI RESCUE ARC] Stranded07/23/21
2225. [Motoki Rescue Arc] Enter - THE SNOTILUS06/23/21
2224. [ Motoki Rescue Arc ] Scanning the Brain! Motoki's damaged mentality revealed!! 06/16/21
2223. Nostalgic memories and a turtle's curse! A deadline to save Motoki's soul!!06/12/21
2222. What's YOUR Youtube ASMR?06/05/21
2221. A new era of communication begins! Introducing Mugen Messenger!!06/04/21
2220. The Name Blame Game05/11/21
2219. Botched Shane MacMahon Promo or Drunk Ten'ou Haruka? YOU DECIDE!!03/09/21
2218. Exploding with Pleasure! Exploding with Passion! Exploding with Fury! Haruka's reaction to the end of AEW Revolution 2021!! (Spoilers)03/08/21
2217. A fight for the ages! The true story of Haruka and Michiru vs Usagi at Mugen!!03/01/21
2216. Haruka's Birthday is truly is an unfortunate time01/28/21
2215. The Cream Rises to the Top12/07/20
2214. Panic at the Discord11/30/20
2213. Haruka's Black Friday Mistake11/27/20
2212. Happy Thanksgiving from Suburban Senshi! 11/26/20
2211. Sketch Sessions 002 - Ongoing Fashion Disaster11/06/20
2210. A Special Election indeed (Sketch Sessions 0111/05/20
2209. In the name of the moon and the International Standards of Weights and Measures, I will punish you! 10/19/20
2208. WHAAAT? It's been eighteen years? Catching up with the Suburban Senshi!!08/25/20
2207. We always did have a blind spot for Venus-sama~08/17/20
2206. Some things are better off DEAD! The Suburban Senshi react to the rest of the Death Note Anime [Episodes 11-37]!!08/09/20
2205. 14 years late! The Suburban Senshi react to the Death Note anime! Episodes 1-10!!08/09/20
2204. Back in Blargh~08/04/20
2203. In a Hot Spot06/25/20
2202. [GrimDark Arc] Fear her Pink Sugar Heart Attack~06/04/20
2201. Art is in the voice of the beholder06/01/20
2200. [ Grimdark Arc ] Floating on Clouds Nine and Ten05/30/20
2199. [ Grimdark Arc ] All Fired up~05/26/20
2198. Where does Haruka get those wonderful suits?05/25/20
2197. Smile! You're in the Picture at last!05/24/20
2196. Haruka takes the Sailor Moon Drawing Challenge!!05/21/20
2195. Great Moments in Suburban Senshi History: Sad Departure05/19/20
2194. Family Flashback Fun 90's style05/17/20
2193. DEEP LORE DROP! The Spiritual Space-Screams of the Silver Millennium through Space and Time!05/15/20
2192. Lockdown Diversionary Tactics 05/14/20
2191. BEHIND THE SCENES - Suburban Senshi Podcast with Retro Fanfic Retrospective!04/17/20
2190. Blame Big Papa04/06/20
2189. In poor taste03/12/20
2188. More fun that a Big Daddy Turtle! Hiatus 1 and "Whatever happened to the Suburban Senshi" now in the story collections!!01/14/20
2187. Alexa, we're in the sh*t now. 01/08/20
2186. MST: Mansplaining to Women for Fun and Profit01/07/20
2185. Superhero Superstars of the WWE - Plus Ultra [Lashley]?01/03/20
2184. The Perils of Commercialization12/20/19
2183. That's one Powerful P*ssy12/19/19
2182. Flushed with Anticipation11/21/19
2181. Announcing the Suburban Senshi collections - The S and SuperS comics!09/15/19
2180. Beryl got Back (and got back~)09/14/19
2179. Twitter Test09/13/19
2178. The Sub. Senshi go to the Minnesota State Fair (by UltraMatt)09/01/19
2177. Quality Parenting08/30/19
2176. Science08/29/19
2175. Medical Heroics Plus Ultra08/28/19
2174. Motoki Finds True Love?08/27/19
2173. Hotaru wut u doing08/26/19
2172. Suburban Senshi is NOT old enough to Vote today! <_<08/25/19
2171. Suburban Senshi is OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE today! (08/25/19
2170. You've got to FIGHT... for the RIGHT... to POTTY~!08/13/19
2169. Back to the IRC II (Test)08/11/19


Legacy Archives

Suburban Senshi Entry #2238 - “Suburban Senshi Thanksgiving Special in December! MST of The Humanoid!!”
#2238 “Suburban Senshi Thanksgiving Special in December! MST of The Humanoid!!”
Excerpt Start - 11:03 AM 12/11/21

#suburbansenshisquad
=/\catablanca/\=
I kept telling her that wasn't an effective method but she wouldn't listen
// J_Daito //
I always love when you retell the story of Child Support:Origins
SpeedRcr_X
EVERYONE
SpeedRcr_X
EVERYONE
SpeedRcr_X
Are you paying attention
FireFly_9
Yes poppa, what is it
SpeedRcr_X
It's Time for the annual Suburban Senshi Thanksgiving Day Special!
FireFly_9
Okay first of all, we live in Japan
FireFly_9
Secondly, Thanksgiving was several weeks ago
SpeedRcr_X
Look here at Suburban Senshi we are all about Multiculturalism and not sweating the small stuff like details and s[BLEEP]t
// J_Daito //
You just want to eat Turkey, don't you Ten'ou?
SpeedRcr_X
I will neither confirm or deny
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.
hay sum1s at da doar wat turkay
SpeedRcr_X
Excellent
Mdm_Maestro
So how are we celebrating this "Thanksgiving", dear? By listing what we are thankful for?
SpeedRcr_X
By mocking a movie
Mdm_Maestro
Of course. That makes total sense.
SpeedRcr_X
Today's movie is called "The Humanoid" (or alternatively, "L'umanoide" or "Humanoid" depending on where you are. It is a ripoff of Star Wars. It is such a deep ripoff of Star Wars the director even calls himself "George B. Lewis" in homage to George Lucas.
FireFly_9
This is like if you were to make a movie, isn't it
SpeedRcr_X
Well you know I watched this a few weeks ago and forgot half of it and couldn't be bothered to rewatch it again to get pictures so I just grabbed a frame every 30 seconds and picked some from that and am going to do my best to remember it from memory
// J_Daito //
This is a new depth of laziness
SpeedRcr_X
I prefer to call it efficiency. Besides, great art is all in the limitations. Anyone can put out a polished final product.
FireFly_9
...Anyone.
SpeedRcr_X
Yeah let's get started
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
So this movie is such a rip that even the opening credits are in the Star Wars text crawl
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
The opening narration, kept in the original italian, even through the movie is in English, is too
FireFly_9
What does it say?
SpeedRcr_X
To paraphrase the first season of Tiger King, "That b[BLEEP]ch Barbara Gibson".
FireFly_9
What? That whole thing
SpeedRcr_X
Basically. You'll see
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
So we start with what looks like the ass-end of a Star Destroyer. But it's not.
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
The not-Star Destroyer is chasing another ship to a planet.
FireFly_9
I think I've seen this movie before
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
On this ship, multiple Darth Vaders are piloting, because if one was great for Star Wars, think how popular a movie would be with fifty.
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
There's even a giant-size one for maximum Darthness
FireFly_9
...
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
So the Death Star ripoff s[BLEEP]ts out a ship that looks like a Space Manta Ray - sending it to Tatooine the planet That B[BLEEP]ch Barbara Gibson lives on. Darth, you see, wants her dead.
FireFly_9
Why?
SpeedRcr_X
Yes.
FireFly_9
What
SpeedRcr_X
I'm sure there are reasons™ but I've either forgotten them or they were so lazily explained they weren't memorable
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
So we finally get our first look at Princess Leia That B[BLEEP]ch Barbara Gibson, who's a space desk jockey or something
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
No less than Three Space Vaders are sent to kill the s[BLEEP]t out of her
SpeedRcr_X
Let us enjoy Space Vader action
SpeedRcr_X
















SpeedRcr_X
Now their boss, the Vader Prime, has a name but f[BLEEP]k if I remember it.
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
He's so badass you can actully see part of his face
GERMATOID
THE STUFF ON HIS FACE MAKES HIM LOOK LIKE SPANDAM FROM ONE PIECE
SpeedRcr_X
He's about as effective
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
So they leave but they didn't get That B[BLEEP]ch Barbara Gibson.
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
Oh this is our Luke or Han Solo I dunno which I forgot his name
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
And this is some old dude in charge of s[BLEEP]t I forget his name too. They're all unimportant
FireFly_9
Where does the Humanoid come in? And what happened to That Bi-- to Barbara Gibson?
SpeedRcr_X
Okay so check it out
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
She survived because she got out of the office buildings before the Vaders attacked. Because she had gotten a psychic warning that took over her body and puppet-walked her out
FireFly_9
From the Humanoid?
SpeedRcr_X
No
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
From THE ASIAN CHILD
SpeedRcr_X
TOM-TOM
// J_Daito //
...tom tom?
// J_Daito //
You're making that name up right
SpeedRcr_X
nope.
SpeedRcr_X
And Tom-Tom is a short mystical asian child
// J_Daito //
Don't be racist. This is space
// J_Daito //
Ethnicity
// J_Daito //
Doesn't matter here
SpeedRcr_X
NO
SpeedRcr_X
HE IS ASIAN YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND
SpeedRcr_X
YOU WILL
SpeedRcr_X
HE IS ALSO OUR YODA
FireFly_9
..............
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
That B[BLEEP]ch Barbara Gibson chastises him for controlling her body
SpeedRcr_X
Okay so we finally get some plot now
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
So Vader is in love with this chick from James Bond
SpeedRcr_X
Now she's apparently a super-ancient space-hag but she is being kept youthful by a treatment
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
The treatment is being given by this old guy. It consists of stripping a woman naked then impaling her to death in a plexiglass iron maiden, then using her blood-juices to keep space hag alive for another day
SpeedRcr_X
OH OH
SpeedRcr_X
Now I remember
SpeedRcr_X
The whole raid on the office where That B[BLEEP]ch Barbara Gibson worked? It was to break in and steal a super rare element that this guy could use on people to create... The Humanoid
// J_Daito //
Okay, but what is the humanoid?
SpeedRcr_X
Patience
SpeedRcr_X
So we cut now to another Bond Alumni, Richard Kiel, aka Jaws, who is chilling on a planet with his space-dog
SpeedRcr_X
















.'~SugaBB_2999~'.
y am i wetching spase dag - asz
FireFly_9
I'm certain you've seen worse sights, Chibiusa-chan
SpeedRcr_X
So anyway the Space Vaders catch him for scientist guy, who decides to pump him full of the secret chemical s[BLEEP]t that makes him super strong, bulletproof and indestructable - AKA the HUMANOID
SpeedRcr_X












SpeedRcr_X
(I consider this Jaws' (from Bond) origin story btw because it perfectly explains where he gets all that super strength)
SpeedRcr_X
So Space Vader decides to send THE HUMANOID down to Not-Tattooine to kill the s[BLEEP]t out of the government (that old guy who I forgot who he was before) and he kills the s[BLEEP]t out of 99% of the guards and is about to kill Dollar Store Luke / Han when all of a sudden
SpeedRcr_X




















SpeedRcr_X
THE ASIAN CHILD
SpeedRcr_X
Who uses his SPACE ASIAN POWERS to UNLOCK GOODNESS IN THE HUMANOID
SpeedRcr_X
Who now has all the strengths and none of the weaknesses, just like The Daywalker
// J_Daito //
STOP CALLING HIM THE ASIAN CHILD. IT'S F[BLEEP]KING SPACE
// J_Daito //
HE'S THE TATOOINE CHILD OR SOMETHING
SpeedRcr_X
Again, you show your ignorance.
SpeedRcr_X
Anyway
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
Even Space Vader is like "What the f[BLEEP]k" at these developments, and he kidnaps That B[BLEEP]ch Barbara Gibson to suck out her blood and feed to his woman for another day of life for her (not pictured)
SpeedRcr_X








SpeedRcr_X
But THE HUMANOID (who I guess is Chewbacca now) THE ASIAN CHILD (Yoda) and Han / Luke w/e go off to save her.
// J_Daito //
STOP BEING RACIST
SpeedRcr_X
I'M NOT
FireFly_9
It's not funny, Haruka-poppa
SpeedRcr_X
...
SpeedRcr_X
fine
SpeedRcr_X




























SpeedRcr_X
So they get on the fakeass death-star, blow it up, you think the HUMANOID is dead because he blows up a missile right next to him but SURPRISE B[BLEEP]CHES he's THE HUMANOID so makes it out okay, they get back to Space-Tatooine where That B[BLEEP]ch Barbara Gibson makes out with THE HUMANOID after Tom-Tom the wunderkind turns him human again...
SpeedRcr_X
















SpeedRcr_X
OH AND TOM-TOM SAYS GOODBYE BECAUSE HE HAS TO GO BACK TO HIS HOME, ANCIENT TIBET, ON A F[BLEEP]KING GLASS ORIGAMI PAPER CRANE SPACE-SHIP THAT FLIES OFF INTO THE F[BLEEP]KING SUN
// J_Daito //
...oh so he was Asian all the time
SpeedRcr_X
ARRAAARGH
SpeedRcr_X
So
SpeedRcr_X
If you want to see this movie it's actually on youtube
SpeedRcr_X
Check it out, it's pretty fun
FireFly_9
So how would you rate this movie, Haruka-poppa?
SpeedRcr_X
Plot: 1/2 Dragonballs out of 2
SpeedRcr_X
Visuals: 1 Dragonball / 2
SpeedRcr_X
Audio: 1 Dragonballs out of 2 (it was by Ennio Morricone but damn if I could tell.)
SpeedRcr_X
Overall feeling: 1 out of 1 Dragonball for the sheer WTFery
SpeedRcr_X
so... 3.5 dragonballs out of 7. A fun timewaster.




Excerpt End - 12:07 PM 12/11/21

https://www.suburbansenshi.com





May 26, 1999: Usagi and Luna were travelling through time, when Queen Beryl attacked using Akan, determined to find the Rabbit. As the Senshi stood there, thoroughly grossed out by what they saw, The Four Strange Sisters joined them, callously watching from the distance. Prince Endymion got completely flabbergasted. When all hope seemed lost, the Senshi got a break through inspiration from the cries of the helpless. Sailor Moon used the Moon Gorgeous Meditation attack to win.
Hit!Graph
<FireFly_9> Yo, Haruka! get your b[BLEEP]h ass out here!!




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