#906: “Scraping away at the Darkness”

[03:36] *** Mon Nov 21 2005 - LOGGING START ***
[03:36] *** Now talking in #suburbansenshi
[03:36] *** Topic is - sentimental viewing material is bad late at night for heavy thinkers -
[03:36] *** Set by on Mon Nov 21 03:36 2005
[03:37] <Dr_Xadium> I left Fat Albert feeling sad for the passage of years and the end of youth
[03:38] <// J_Daito //> You came out of a kid's movie depressed
[03:38] <Dr_Xadium> Seeing all the old actors there by the grave, and hearing the sounds of laughter. I suppose it was supposed to convey a sense of optimistic hope for the future, but it left me feeling... old
[03:39] <Dr_Xadium> As if time was slipping through my fingers like grains of sand
[03:39] <Dr_Xadium> Moments passing, lost, never to come again
[03:40] <// J_Daito //> You sound like Ten'ou on one of her black-beret wearing rants
[03:40] <// J_Daito //> "the philosophy I read as a child said that the root of all pain was living."
[03:41] <Dr_Xadium> Heh, I suppose I am feeling a touch existential
[03:41] <// J_Daito //> Aino got you your name back, you should be pleased, or something
[03:41] <Dr_Xadium> I am
[03:41] <Dr_Xadium> We watched Dokkoid aafter to sort of lighten the mood, it's a fun little anime with parodies of every genre
[03:42] <// J_Daito //> Is this something I can experience on my 386
[03:42] <Dr_Xadium> No.
[03:42] <// J_Daito //> then I don't care about it
[03:43] <Dr_Xadium> But episode 7 just had to be sentimental, talking about the wishes of one of the main characters to be with her friends forever
[03:43] <// J_Daito //> And
[03:43] <Dr_Xadium> I'm a Time Lord. I have a longer view on these things. Sadly, there is no forever.
[03:43] <Dr_Xadium> The comedy got me to thinking about how many endings I've seen, how many partings...
[03:44] <Dr_Xadium> How many things we think are solid and forever, the people we meet, the places we go to, the people we talk to, even the sky-- it all seems so permanent, so fixed, but it can vanish in an instant
[03:45] * // J_Daito // yawns
[03:45] <Dr_Xadium> It irritates me, the impermanence of it all
[03:45] <// J_Daito //> So what are you going to go all emo about it and cry
[03:46] <Dr_Xadium> It's disheartening
[03:46] <// J_Daito //> I'm over 10,000 years old
[03:46] <// J_Daito //> I've seen empires rise and fall and rise and fall again
[03:46] <// J_Daito //> Hell I burnt down Rome
[03:46] <// J_Daito //> Which is a good series by thwe way
[03:48] <// J_Daito //> I learned long ago not to let life get to you
[03:49] <Dr_Xadium> What would you know of it, you blackguard
[03:49] <// J_Daito //> I had a love once
[03:49] <// J_Daito //> A youma
[03:52] <// J_Daito //> b[BLEEP]ch mercury killed her
[03:52] <Dr_Xadium> Ah.
[03:52] <// J_Daito //> The point is, bad things happen, Time Lord
[03:53] <// J_Daito //> The way I see it, you either let life run you over, or you run over life
[03:54] <// J_Daito //> The human Nietzsche understood
[04:01] <// J_Daito //> The overman is the one who has organized the chaos of his passions, given style to his character, and become creative. Aware of life's terrors, he affirms life without resentment.
[04:03] <// J_Daito //> In other words you know your friends are going to die, the places you grew up in will become concrete jungles and your childhood memories nothing but faded postcards in the back of your brain
[04:04] <// J_Daito //> stop trying to hold on to the sand spilling down the hourglass and turn it over
[04:04] <// J_Daito //> Don't you have Aino aren't you happy
[04:04] <Dr_Xadium> Of course
[04:05] <Dr_Xadium> It's just that in the chaotic universe of my life so little is ever stable.
[04:06] <Dr_Xadium> And I've lost so many...
[04:07] <Dr_Xadium> things, memories, people
[04:07] <// J_Daito //> Hmm
[04:07] <// J_Daito //> heh
[04:07] <Dr_Xadium> what
[04:07] <// J_Daito //> Do you actually trust Aino to be around later
[04:08] <Dr_Xadium> Of course I do
[04:08] <Dr_Xadium> Is this some kind of attempt at sowing dissent because it won't work
[04:08] <// J_Daito //> Dissent what do I care about the two of you
[04:08] <// J_Daito //> I'm just trying to figure out something
[04:09] <Dr_Xadium> Figure out what
[04:09] <// J_Daito //> You getting emo over something like this, over happy things, scenes of friendship and togetherness
[04:09] * // J_Daito // smiles darkly
[04:10] <// J_Daito //> You don't really believe in any of that, do you?
[04:10] <Dr_Xadium> ...
[04:11] <// J_Daito //> Despite the overly cheery "OMG THE POWER OF LOVE CONQUERS ALL AND MOON FRIENDSHIP SILVER CRYSTAL POWER" that that senshi wife of yours and her allies spout all the time, you don't buy it at all, do you?
[04:11] <Dr_Xadium> I want to
[04:11] <// J_Daito //> You want to
[04:11] <Dr_Xadium> Yes, I place great faith in humanity
[04:11] <// J_Daito //> To vanish
[04:12] <Dr_Xadium> ....
[04:12] <Dr_Xadium> Humans are contradictory creatures, I've seen.
[04:12] <Dr_Xadium> Capable of astonishing greatness and astonishing cruelty all in the same stroke.
[04:13] <// J_Daito //> Yes yes light side dark side balance the force blah blah blah
[04:13] <// J_Daito //> What exactly makes you upset
[04:14] <Dr_Xadium> 1 - that time is passing and things are being lost. Foundational things, institutions of my past, if you will, that are crumbling to dust in my lifetime
[04:15] <Dr_Xadium> 2 - That there might not exist such a concept as friendship that lasts-- I mean really lasts, and endures
[04:16] <// J_Daito //> Let me let you in on a little secret
[04:16] <Dr_Xadium> ?
[04:16] <// J_Daito //> I'm evil
[04:16] <Dr_Xadium> I know that
[04:16] <// J_Daito //> That wasn't the secret, idiot
[04:17] <Dr_Xadium> Well hurry up, then
[04:17] <// J_Daito //> Look if you don't want to talk I can go I'm sure Ai no Senshi is waiting for you all cozy and willing
[04:17] <Dr_Xadium> Jedite ... ><
[04:18] <// J_Daito //> hahah you just don't want to hear her shoujo anime platitudes right now do you
[04:18] <Dr_Xadium> quiet
[04:19] <// J_Daito //> Let me explain to you the secret of why I haven't gone though this house, slaughtered the do-gooding senshi, sucked the energy out of japan and smashed the world government
[04:19] <// J_Daito //> Why I haven't just TAKEN power and instead am playing the long game politically
[04:20] <// J_Daito //> I was in the Dark Kingdom surrounded by backstabbers and ba[BLEEP]rds for almost 10 millennia
[04:20] <// J_Daito //> Here, in this house, the people are at worst indifferent to me
[04:21] <// J_Daito //> Souichi and I might compete, but even Sailor V herself doesn't give a damn I'm walking around
[04:21] <// J_Daito //> Ten'ou and I get along well enough, she's got the ruthless agression I like to see in people
[04:21] <// J_Daito //> But the point is I know where I stand with these people
[04:22] <// J_Daito //> Tomoe the Younger: biting tongue, nice ass, won't get in my way so long as I don't get in hers
[04:23] <// J_Daito //> Spore: more bark than bite, hell, she just wants peaceful coexistence half the time
[04:23] <// J_Daito //> Aino just wants to have a happy home life and be taken care of, so long as her friends are safe she could care less
[04:24] <// J_Daito //> Lunar Cat is too busy imploding to worry about old grudges
[04:24] <// J_Daito //> Kaioh's too full of herself to notice anyone else unless they get in her spotlight
[04:24] <// J_Daito //> EIHGF just wants order so the trick is to keep her happy
[04:25] <// J_Daito //> Time Hag no Senshi is never here so it doesn't matter
[04:25] <// J_Daito //> You just don't even count
[04:25] <Dr_Xadium> Oh thank you SO much
[04:26] <// J_Daito //> Futurespawn of your loins won't interfere
[04:26] <// J_Daito //> Furuhata is too busy breaking the laws of man and god to be a threat to me
[04:27] <// J_Daito //> Elios I'd only worry about if I was a woman
[04:27] <// J_Daito //> And Luna-P could be a threat but it knows my soul is blacker than its
[04:28] <// J_Daito //> The point is I fit in with these people in some sick way
[04:28] <// J_Daito //> I know it won't last forever.
[04:28] <// J_Daito //> Someone's going to get ambitious and try to Ides of March me
[04:28] <// J_Daito //> Either I get stabbed in the back and gutted like a fish, or I turn the tables on them
[04:29] <// J_Daito //> Hell Kaioh could burn the house down with her cooking
[04:30] <// J_Daito //> Ten;ou could get arrested for disorderly conduct, or we all get wiped out of existence when Meioh accidentally steps on the wrong amoeba in 65 million BC
[04:30] <Dr_Xadium> I don't descend from your evolutionary chain
[04:30] <// J_Daito //> WELL KUDOS TO YOU SPACEMAN
[04:30] <Dr_Xadium> Just saying, is all
[04:31] <// J_Daito //> The point is, I live for this moment
[04:31] <// J_Daito //> Right now
[04:31] <// J_Daito //> I have already forgotten the people in my past
[04:31] <// J_Daito //> I don't worry about the future
[04:31] <// J_Daito //> I make myself as strong as I can right now
[04:32] <// J_Daito //> and I enjoy the people I'm with
[04:32] <Dr_Xadium> You, enjoy?
[04:32] <// J_Daito //> Repeat that and die
[04:32] * Dr_Xadium 's lips are sealed
[04:33] <// J_Daito //> the lie that everything's forever is just a way of saying "I want today to last one more day"
[04:33] <// J_Daito //> That's how you have to operate if you want to live
[04:34] <// J_Daito //> Either that or tune out and become a brainless zombie who doesn't think about things harder than "boobies on tv"
[04:34] <Dr_Xadium> Hmm
[04:35] <// J_Daito //> Of course you could turn to the Dark side, join me and crush the peons and MAKE Them loyal on pain of death
[04:35] <Dr_Xadium> I don't think the wife would approve
[04:35] <// J_Daito //> Whipped Time Lord. An amsuing concept
[04:35] <Dr_Xadium> And you can't spell "amusing"
[04:36] <// J_Daito //> It's 4:30 in the morning thank Metallia I can spell at all
[04:36] <// J_Daito //> The point is Time Lord, you're looking for things that don't exist / aren't permanent. Like a platonic form of "eternal this" or "forever that"
[04:37] <// J_Daito //> We're all dust in the wind
[04:37] <Dr_Xadium> OH BY RASSILON
[04:37] <// J_Daito //> what
[04:37] <Dr_Xadium> That song makes me feel my mortality even the more acutely
[04:38] <// J_Daito //> I could just kill you now and you'd feel much better about all this in the morning
[04:38] <Dr_Xadium> I'm not a nihilist
[04:38] *** C'est_la_V [GldnGoddess@ip6942.ai.co.jp] has joined #suburbansenshi
[04:38] <@spiritflame> Irasshai C'est_la_V
[04:39] <C'est_la_V> x-chan are yu coming tosleep or waht it's late
[04:39] <Dr_Xadium> I am ♡
[04:39] *** C'est_la_V [GldnGoddess@ip6942.ai.co.jp] has quit IRC (ok ♡)
[04:40] <// J_Daito //> Heh, are you lying to that one every time you say you trust in her friendship?
[04:40] <Dr_Xadium> Never
[04:40] <// J_Daito //> Then obviosuly you are still capable of putting stock in something
[04:41] <Dr_Xadium> Perhaps so.
[04:41] <// J_Daito //> Heh, too bad, I would have liked to see you curse the world
[04:41] <// J_Daito //> For my own petty amusement of course
[04:41] <Dr_Xadium> ¬_¬ Of course
[04:42] <Dr_Xadium> Goodnight Jedite. Thank you for the perspective
[04:42] <// J_Daito //> until next time, Time Lord.
[04:43] *** Dr_Xadium [user-19fasjd@TARDIS14356.panopticon.gallifrey.sen] has quit IRC (Fat Albert depressed me. DAMN YOU BILL COSBY WHY MUST YOU EVOKE SYMPATHY)
[04:43] <// J_Daito //> Hahahah idiot, letting his emotions get the better of him
[04:43] * // J_Daito // finds a cute teddy bear and guts it
[04:44] <@spiritflame> so why did you help
[04:44] <// J_Daito //> Ahh you were lurking there
[04:44] <@spiritflame> yes
[04:45] <// J_Daito //> I was going to tell him that the world was cold and uncaring and life's not worth living and he should just slit his throat and end it all but then Aino would be screaming and crying and making loud noises and shooting at me with crescent beams and it's just not worth the hassle
[04:45] <@spiritflame> ahh
[04:46] *** // J_Daito // [Jed@dialup666.darkkingdom.co.jp] has quit IRC (What is good? All that heightens the feeling of power in man, the will to power, power itself. What is bad? All that is born of weakness. What is happiness? The feeling that power is growing, that resistance is overcome.)
[04:46] *** Disconnected
[04:46] *** Mon Nov 21 2005 - LOGGING END ***