Guess What?
Oh Michi honey, you never guessed what happened to me today. You see, Artemis-tachi came to the police station today, and well, things didn't quite go to their plan. Chibiusa-chan held up her ketchup-covered Artemis for the policeman to see making like X had run him over, but he mistook our feline buddy for a bloody eviscerated human kidney and instinctively batted him away. This caused poor ol' Arty to skid across the sidewalk (I think he bounced once), right in front of the chief of police who is, shall we say... "massively rotund."

Well he didn't see Artemis, as he was busy stuffing a Takoyaki into his face, and since Arty's body was literally soaked in Heinz' 57 varieties, El chief-o did the big slip-and-slide, barreling right towards his ansty lieutenant and a terrrified Chibi-chan. Imagine if you will the sight of a giant whale of a man, traveling atop a momentarily frictionless surface (i.e. greased kitty), hurling non-stop towards you.

If you can't, just imagine a Mack Truck roaring in at 90 MPH with its brake lines cut. And you are on a tricycle whose front wheel just got clogged up with GEICO squirrel roadkill. ANYWAY, so he smashes into Chibiusa, crushing her little body like a pancake, and he takes out about six officers who are just walking out of the P.D. Chibi crawls over to Artmeis and falls on him.

The others inside come rushing out to see WTF is going on, and they see their chief comically trying to get up, but slamming back into the ground like a rapidly re-beaching whale. I think they'll report it as a 6.5 on the Richter tommorow. So anyhow, he's trying to get up, and theyre trying to help him, and he goes down AGAIN, flinging a few of the officers who were holding onto his arms forward like missiles. One takes out Dr. X, who didn't even have time to blink, the other smashes into rei.bot... now you know that she's a heavy little thing, what with being an adriod and all... but SO forceful was the impact that she actually lost her footing and fell forward, crushing Chibiusa-chan again.

Now here's where it gets kinda funny. She gets up, with a gooey Ketchupy Artemis and Chibiusa stuck to her, and she *peels* them off, all the while looking at them with this *look* that says like "og wtf / [bleeping] messy i am become / kick your ass later" and then she strides over to the cops who are trying to pick up their chief. ONE HANDED she lifts his blubbery ass into the air, and they're all staring at her going "Sugoi! Sugoi!"

Now Chibi and Arty see this as the PERFECT chance to sneak in and pring our asses, but RIGHT THEN Elios shows up, because I guess his part of the plan was to cause a distraction (which rei.bot was doing wuote nicely). HIS punk ass starts goin' around puttin' the mack on the female officers, and trying to get into the station, which of course means all the cops are clustering in their to stop him. So no one can get in the damn door.

Suffice it to say that at this juncture rei.bot is [bleep]ing PISSED off, because the perfect opportunity was blown in her eyes. She tried to use her Ofuda to knock out the cops, like the plan said, but when she threws 'em, they all gravitated to neutralize the REAL evil thing in the area, which was the lecherous horse-boy. So he's knocked the F out which is probbaly for the best because ALL the cops were geting ready to bust a cap in him... (okay to maybe it wasnt the best thing because he lived but thCOMMENT LENGTH REACHED
--Posted by T. Haruka, 21/04/04 3:39:AM

Guess What II
Oh son of ... anyway, so she needs to think of somethin' fast, right, so she Oh yea Keep in mind when she threw the Ofuda, it was one handed, because she was STILL holdin' up the 500 pound sumo policeman with one hand high over her head. This is relevant because you see, she knew that she needed a new plan if she was gonna get us outta there.

So this robochick, you know what she does? She looks up at the chief, looks over at the super fortified tank we were stuck in, looks back up at him, says somethin' about bein' sorry, and with ALL her damn might she hurled his ass like a ballistic F'N MISSILE at the wall.

I know what you're thinkin-- his ass was dead, right? Because if a wall could keep us in it must be super strong, right? Well no. Turns out they were using some funkified electric forcefield jobby to keep us in the pen. The Prof was gettin' ready to try shorting it out by hurling Hotaru and Jedite at to make some kind of a overload (he figured he could revive them with nanites or something later or maybe cut a deal with Phaoroh 95), (they weren't happy about this plan for some reason, I suggested to Jed maybe we fuse into Jeruka but we forgot the moves), and anyway, while I was tryin' to be all pragmatisitic-like and shoving their asses towards the field, what do I see but this blubber bomb rushing at me. For a moment I forgot I was behind a forcefiled, I was like OH [BLEEP]! And I was praying, like "Kami-sama if you save my ass I'll NEVER {bleep]ing curse again... and then, like a sign from above, fat boy ELECTRIFIED and overloaded the whole damn grid.

So anyway, we got the hell out, and Tomoe wiped all our criminal records, Minako-chan taught that Wakagi guy a lesson (and then I did too, he thought he had super powers,. well he sure went down with a swift kick to the happy sacs let me tell YOU) and Tomoe coded the machine to get his ass sent BACK to Sibera for ever!

And then we come outside, rei.bot is impressing the cops by lifting up cars with her hands, and they're calling her "Super Miko" and s[bleep]t, and then Tomoe says he tried to login to the channel while he was in the computers and he found THIS wonderful website instead, and all OUR [BLEEP]ing data had been DELETED.

Oh really. Well guess what, Michi... we're back. And as Elios said after the Ofudas wore off and he began chasing Hotaru around:

We're coming for your ass.

--Posted by T. Haruka, 21/04/04 3:59:AM