Jadeite is seeking the supreme position of president of the entire world this fall! Jadeite has developed a strong platform which he believes will appeal to all voters.


Jadeite is greater than god! Jadeite promises to make Pharaoh 90 let the people go in 9 plagues instead of 10!

Jadeite will rape and pillage but he will limit himself to Australia because no one will be the wiser!

Having lived through the 60s (for he is ETERNAL) Jadeite knows that Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll are the key to happiness! Thus he will do a lot of it! You may or may not be enslaved so as to pay for his coke binges but you will be happy that he is happy! OR ELSE.

Some have asked where Jadeite stands politically. Jadeite doesn't like either political side, although he admits that this makes him an even bigger loser than those who take a stance! Jadeite hates the right because he believes it doesn't look before it leaps, and Jadeite hates the left because they're pansies! Jadeite is above them all and they should stop looking up his skirt!

Others have drawn parallels between Jadeite and Hitler. While Jadeite is flattered he points out that there are significant differences. To begin with, Jadeite loves Jews. In fact he has repeatedly called for the Elders of Zion to join his coalition to better control the globe's banks, media, and governments!



Jadeite promises to kill that fat nerd in your Japanese language class! And if you are that fat nerd, Jadeite promises you it will be painful but at least quick, as opposed to the long years of suffering you'd endure as a 40 year old internet virgin in your normal lifespan!

Some have asked about Jadeite's political philosophy. Jadeite believes in moral relativism because he doesn't think terrorism is evil and that you can't call anything evil and that... ahahahhaaha we're just kidding folks even Jadeite's not that big of an idiot!

Jadeite supports vegans! He thinks killing animals for food is WRONG! Animals should only be killed for fun!!

But Jadeite doesn't like animal testing. Seeing lipstick on rabbits makes him sad. :( Instead Jadeite supports testing on furries, nature's living compost fodder.

Jadeite has a solution to the spam mail problem! Communication will not be allowed under his administration. At all.

The internet will be destroyed as subversive for being filled with nerds and idiots. The pornography will remain, although Jadeite may not keep the Komatsu Ayaka files which currently take up half the storage space of the internet.

Jadeite thinks actors and actresses need to shut the fuck up and stop flapping on about issues that they don't really care about and are just saying to get airtime! Thus all Hollywood actors and actresses will be shot and replaced by Bollywood actors and actresses! Except for Michael Moore whose carcass Hama Chisaki has personally requested be kept intact, thus we are letting her devour him live!

Hama Chisaki is quite fair though and is giving him a running start.


Unlike either candidate Jadeite is sensitive to history! He knows the sorrow of the trail of tears! That's why he is promoting changing its name to the Trail of Happy Smiles and proposes holding it again every year!

Jadeite believes the recession has hurt this economy badly! But not in the places it needed to be hit! Jadeite believes that by beating the economy regularly we can help make it tougher!

Jadeite thinks health care is an important issue. Jadeite doesn't know much about medicine but what he was taught by medieval barber doctors is that bloodletting is the key to health. Thus Jadeite will engage in a vampire and leech breeding program immediately upon assumption of the presidency throne.

Jadeite is also aware that the vampires and leeches will need health care too, and thus will also engage in a human-breeding program

Jadeite stands with the gay and lesbian communities! While holding an uzi. Those who can't breed are useless to his program and will be eliminated.

Jadeite promises to end terrorism! Instead it will be referred to as Jadeiteism! Go go Jadeites!

Also Jadeite doesn't care for lepers and thinks you should know that!


Jadeite will build a TRUE global coalition! He has already gotten the pedos/insane crackbabies of 2chan.net (total: every poster there) to join!

Jadeite was recently asked for his policy on Canada! Jadeite doesn't know who Canada is but he promises swift revenge anyway!

Jadeite believes Iraq is a mess. That is why he, like any good mother/steward/god, will have the room ethnically cleansed!

Jadeite is appalled at former empires France and Germany's recent pussy behavior! Thus Jadeite will time-warp several hundred troops from their grander, more stout ages and place them all in coliseums for the masses to be entertained.

Jadeite hates England, so he will replace Tony Blair with the car from Sanford & Son.

Jadeite feels sorry for all those in Taiwanese and Malaysian sweatshops! He will give each sweatshop a fan to help improve conditions!
This fan will be that fatass from your college Japanese class!

Jadeite is aware that he may eat the poor sweatshop workers' few grains of rice. Thus he will also ship furries to these countries to feed that fan's gaping maw! Remainder (if any) will be generously given to the natives for their own consumption.

click for more information

Jadeite is concerned about the balance of mother earth and overpopulation! Thus he has assembled a list of useless people who will be sent to the gas chambers. Within 10 hours of his administration taking office, all Sprite Comic authors are expected to report to their local precincts for deportation.

Jadeite has a solution to the problem of starvation in Africa! Chisaki Hama will be allowed to eat all the starving people!


Jadeite promises swift justice with fast trials*
*not really a trial

Jadeite will be your judge, jury, and executioner-- for your convenience!

Remember: Jadeite puts the Corpse in Habeas Corpus!

Jadeite believes that absolutely none of the above is inconsistent and challenges you to point out any inconsistencies at knifepoint!


Jadeite hates pedophiles! That's why you're the first person he's going to kill when he's in office!

Jadeite hates racism! Jadeite will be color blind as ruler supreme! No Irish Need Apply!

Jadeite thinks modern slang is confusing and scary! Instead everyone will be forced to speak African clicky languages for his amusement!

Jadeite believes everyone is entitled to an opinion. Just like a last meal.

If you find any of what Jadeite has said to be offensive, he finds YOU to be offensive so there!

Jadeite welcomes your e-mails and phone calls and will read absolutely none of them because your opinions don't matter in the least. However he may be willing to address a few campaign concerns at a later time so please write away!